Choices, Chances and Change
by Jordana Amore
Summary: Emison post 7x14. Alison and Emily deal with the fallout from A.D.'s latest revelation.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: Post 7x14. I'm not abandoning my other Emison story, Hold Me Down, but I wanted to write a short fic dealing with the events that transpired in 7x14 because yikes, that episode was tough to watch. This isn't going to be too long, I'd say probably about 3-5 chapters depending on how I end up breaking things up but I hope to get it all done and published in the next couple of weeks and then return to working on Hold Me Down. Anyway here's my attempt at making sense of Emily and Paige and Alison being pregnant with Emily's baby and of course Emily and Alison's feelings for each other.**_

* * *

She wants to offer to stay with Alison, to hold and comfort the devastated blonde as she tries to process the horrible memory A.D. had forced her to unearth in that baby clothing store hours ago, but the words die in her throat before they could reach her lips. What could she possibly say to make this better? What comfort could she offer Alison when her own mind is racing and her skin is itching with the knowledge that someone used a part of her to violate someone she loves?

She feels angry and useless. Angry at A.D. for stealing her eggs and committing this heinous act of violation on Alison's body, angry at Archer Dunhill for conning Alison into thinking she loved him and putting her in that godforsaken mental hospital where she was tortured and forcibly impregnated, angry at Aria for leaving Alison alone in that stupid baby clothing store to be traumatized. Useless because she can't fix this. She can't find the words to make it better. She can't make Alison feel safe and okay or undo the damage that's been done to them both.

But more than anything, she feels guilty. Because it's her eggs that are implanted inside Alison. If she hadn't screwed up her life so badly and been so desperate for money, she never would have considered donating her eggs in the first place, and then A.D. wouldn't have had the opportunity to inflict this particularly cruel form of torture on her and Alison. Guilty because she had once again allowed herself to assume the worst of Alison when she went searching for that damn red jacket in Alison's house when Hanna was missing—the jacket they turned over to A.D. to implement Alison in Charlotte's murder. But they had been wrong about Alison _again_ and she had carelessly thrown Alison into the clutches of a sadistic monster who cooked up this twisted act of retribution to punish the blonde for a crime she didn't commit. Guilty because Alison had been alone when she found out that her body had been violated and her choice stolen from her—after all of Emily's promises to be there throughout this pregnancy, she had been absent when Alison needed her the most.

Instead of being in that baby clothing store with Alison, she had been with Paige trying to recapture the carefree feeling they had shared in college—before her dad died and things got tough. Before life kicked in. Things have been so complicated lately—with A.D.'s sick elaborate board game wreaking havoc on her life and the confusing feelings between herself and Alison resurfacing but remaining unresolved because of the blonde's reluctance to open up—so she had latched onto the idea of a simpler time with a girl who was safe and familiar. But that brief flash of happiness she and Paige had shared in the street only a few hours ago now seems like a silly lie she was trying to sell herself.

Emily paces the floor, tensions high as A.D.'s plan to rip them apart and keep them on their toes appears to be working better than anyone could have imagined. Alison moved back to the living room, where she now sits staring straight ahead, her body rigid and her blue eyes hollow. Aria returns from the kitchen and presses a glass of water Alison didn't ask for into her hands. Alison fails to acknowledge the glass in her hand or the girl who gave it to her and Aria turns to Spencer with a worried expression.

Hanna stalks across the floor angrily, still reeling from being forced to take a second turn at the game when Aria hasn't had to go yet. "Lets go, Emily," she calls over her shoulder as she storms towards the door.

Emily hesitates, her eyes fixed on Alison as she chews on her bottom lip. Hanna is already half-way out the door and she knows she should probably follow because Hanna is technically her ride back to Lucas's loft but her feet don't move. She had ridden her bike straight from the Brew, where she had been indulging in post-pizza cappuccinos with Paige, to Alison's when she had gotten Alison's desperate call to come over and now it's too late to ride her bike back alone.

"Em, it's okay, go. I'll take care of Ali," Aria offers, noticing Emily's reluctance to leave.

Emily knows Aria was already planning on staying with Alison for a couple of days so at least Alison won't be alone, but a part of her wants to insist on staying anyway, because if someone is going to take care of Alison, it should be her. But Hanna is already out the door and Spencer is preparing to leave too, and how could she explain wanting to stay when Aria has already claimed the task.

Emily takes one last long look at Alison who seems to be somewhere else completely. She aches to go over and wrap her arms around the devastated girl, to tuck her soft blonde hair behind her ear and tell her it'll be okay, to wipe the tears from her red-rimmed eyes, but instead she mutters a lame, "I'll talk to you later, Ali," as she follows Hanna out to the car and tries to convince herself that Alison will be okay with Aria for the night.

* * *

Alison watches through tired eyes as Emily enters the faculty lounge the following morning. The brunette offers her a small smile before silently moving to the coffee maker to fix herself a cup. Alison turns her head slightly to watch Emily make her coffee—two sugars, no milk—as she absently twirls her stirrer in her cup of chamomile tea.

She doesn't particularly care for chamomile tea but she's trying to limit her caffeine intake for the sake of the baby—the baby she's carrying that's actually Emily's. The baby she had decided not to have just a few days ago. The baby she's now unsure about. Just organizing the thoughts inside her head makes her feel sick and confused because how the hell did she end up in this situation. Well, she knows how—A.D. had made her remember how it felt to be strapped down to a bed, her mind made fuzzy and her body weak by the drugs in her system, as some faceless person behind a mask pried her legs apart and poked and prodded at her most intimate area.

She swallows down the nausea rising in her stomach as she thinks about it and takes a long sip of her tea to try to clear her head.

"Morning," Alison greets softly once Emily places her cup of coffee on the table Alison is sitting at and takes a seat opposite her.

"Good morning," Emily returns, her expression weary. "How'd you sleep last night?"

Alison shakes her head. "I didn't. How about you?"

Emily shrugs, not wanting to admit she spent all night obsessing over the baby—her baby—inside of Alison's stomach.

"So have you thought any more about what you're going to do?" Emily asks carefully as she sips her coffee, eyes flitting up nervously to look at Alison.

Alison frowns, cupping both hands around her mug and letting its warmth spread through her body. "It's hard not to think about it."

"And do you still want… are you still planning to terminate the pregnancy?" Emily prods gently, grateful the first bell of the day has rung and the faculty lounge has cleared out, leaving just the two of them.

Alison's eyes water as she shakes her head and shrugs. "I don't know. Everything's different now. It's not up to me anymore, you're a part of this too."

Twenty-four hours ago she had been so sure of her decision. She was going to terminate this pregnancy and regain control of her life. She was not going to allow her abusive con-man of a husband to continue to manipulate her from beyond the grave. She'd have a baby on her own terms when the time was right and she was ready to start a family with the person she loves. She was not going to bring a child into this world that was combination of her screwed up genes and Archer's evil DNA. But then she had learned the truth about the baby's parentage—it was Emily's, not hers—and everything had changed. Now she could actually see herself having this baby and the thought terrifies her.

"Ali, it's your body," Emily says firmly, because how could she tell Alison what to do in this situation.

"But it's your baby," Alison counters, her voice a raspy whisper as tears begin to form in her eyes. "God, this is all so messed up. What are we going to do, Em?"

She had been so terrified to tell Emily the truth about the baby last night that she had thrown up twice before Emily made it to her house. She was the one responsible for bringing Emily and the others back to Rosewood and setting this whole thing in motion by falling for Archer's lies when he said Charlotte was ready to live a life outside of Welby, and now they were all suffering for her stupidity.

After she had finally managed to force the words out of her mouth, she had expected the brunette to get up and leave—because who wouldn't want to leave her—who in their right mind would want to deal with the mess that has become of her life? But Emily had stayed and nodded in quiet agreement when Alison suggested canceling her abortion appointment until they could talk more about it. But that's the part Alison is dreading the most, because they haven't always been the best at communicating their feelings, which Alison recognizes is mostly her fault, but how are they supposed to reach a decision together when they've never been able to be fully honest with each other in the past?

They had shared a moment after Alison first confided in Emily about being pregnant—a sweet kiss on the couch as they watched an old movie that had made Alison's heart sore with hope for a future together—but come morning time, Alison had started to panic and built her walls back up. Her life was spiraling out of control, she couldn't pull Emily into her chaos and risk losing her for good.

"I don't know, but we'll figure this out together, okay? You're not going through this alone, Ali. I'll be right here every step of the way," Emily tells her, covering Alison's shaky hands with her own and imploring the girl to meet her eyes with a gentle smile.

Alison nods and sniffles, doing her best to return Emily's comforting smile. "I know. Thank you."

 _"Hey babe."_

Alison's head snaps up at the sound of the pet name coming from the doorway. Her eyes meet the source of the voice as she feels Emily abruptly pull her hands away from her. Instantly she feels the loss of the comfort Emily's touch had provided.

Paige slides into the chair on the other side of Emily, grinning happily at the swim coach as she grabs Emily's hand—Emily's hand that had just been comforting Alison. Alison feels her stomach roll with sickness that she doesn't know whether to attribute to morning sickness or the room's newest occupant.

"So I was thinking for lunch later maybe we could try that new Vietnamese place over on Grover," Paige suggests. "Or we could always do pizza again. Although after watching you scarf down 4 slices last night, I wouldn't be surprised if you'd never want to see another slice of pizza again," she finishes with a grin.

"Paige," Emily murmurs, eyes darting nervously to Alison before settling back on Paige and forcing out a tight-lipped smile that looks more like a grimace.

Paige laughs, "I know. Who am I kidding? Like you'd ever give up pizza."

Alison's face falls as she observes the pair, mouth falling open and eyes pulling together as she watches Paige lean into Emily with an adoring look. Her heart clenching in her chest as she's hit with the painful realization and suddenly she feels like she can't breathe.

Emily ducks her eyes to avoid Alison's gaze as she allows Paige to pull her closer and tries not to appear too uncomfortable in the other girl's embrace.

Abruptly Alison pushes her chair back and scrambles to her feet. She can't be in this room with Emily and Paige any longer, not when Emily and Paige are _Emily and Paige_ again and she's just some knocked up, screwed up interloper who's carrying Emily's baby.

"Alison," Paige says cordially upon seeing Alison standing. "How are you?"

The question sounds sincere and Emily finds herself looking thoughtfully between Paige and Alison, eagerly awaiting the blonde's response.

Alison avoids looking at either woman, gathering her belongings and grabbing the last of the exams she had been grading during her free first period from the table. "Fine—good. I'm good. Thank you. I just have to go," she mutters, shoving the papers into a thick blue binder and slamming it shut. She readjusts the books and folders stacked in her arms and swings her tote bag over her other shoulder.

"Ali, you don't have to go. Stay and finish your tea," Emily suggests, feeling Paige's eyes on her as she extends the offer. She can't exactly explain it but she feels guilty for the sudden shift in the blonde's mood and she doesn't want Alison to go without explaining herself. But what exactly does she have to explain? And what exactly does her preoccupancy with Alison's feelings say about her relationship with Paige?

Alison shakes her head and glances at Emily through damp lashes. "I can't."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing the first chapter :) Here's chapter 2. I know these chapters are pretty short but I plan to post the next one in a few days and just wanted to get this one out. Let me know what you guys think!**_

* * *

Emily's halfway through her lunch when her phone chimes with an incoming text. She had turned down Paige's suggestion to eat off campus and decided to grab a couple of sandwiches and salads from the cafeteria and have a quiet lunch in Paige's office instead. She also maybe was trying to avoid another awkward run-in with a certain blonde.

A huff of annoyance leaves Emily's lips when she notices Aria's name on her phone's display screen.

"Everything alright?" Paige asks around a mouthful of tuna, noticing Emily's irritation.

Emily nods. She can't exactly explain that she's pissed at Aria for abandoning Alison in a baby clothing store where A.D. cruelly forced her to create a baby registry for a baby she wasn't planning to carry to term and then triggered the blonde's painful memory of being tied down and forcibly impregnated in a mental hospital with Emily's donor eggs. Because while Paige knows someone is messing with them again, she doesn't know the details or the latest developments—that is, she doesn't know about the high tech game from hell currently sitting in Alison's dinning room or about the origins of Alison's baby—because how the hell is Emily supposed to explain that? And even if she could explain it, she doesn't feel like it's her news to explain. Alison should be the one to decide who gets to know that clusterfuck of information and somehow Emily knows Paige would not be high on Alison's list of potential confidants.

Her eyes scan Aria's text message asking her if she could give Alison a ride home after school since Alison's car is in the shop and Aria had driven her to work that morning but won't be able to make it to pick her up. Emily rolls her eyes at Aria's excuse of needing to be on a conference call with her publicist about her and Ezra's book, because of course Aria is flaking on Alison again. She quickly types back that yes, she'll drive Ali home, maybe punching the keypad a little more forcefully than necessary, and puts her phone down to see Paige watching her expectantly.

"That was Aria. She needs me to do her a favor and drive Alison home later," Emily explains cautiously. She's fully prepared to hear Paige's usual spiel about how Alison is once again playing the victim and relying too heavily on Emily, but much to Emily's surprise, Paige just nods in understanding and takes another bite of her sandwich.

They finish the rest of their lunch undisturbed and Emily excuses herself a little early in hopes of finding Alison before her next class to personally inform her of the change in her means of transportation. However, Alison isn't in the faculty lounge and Emily finds the English teacher's classroom empty. Giving in, Emily sends Alison a text message explaining the situation and telling her that she'll meet her in her classroom at 3:15.

* * *

Alison spots the text message from Emily just before the last bell of the day rings. Her seniors are finishing up an exam on Milton's _Paradise Lost_ when she manages to sneak a glance at her phone in her drawer. In addition to Emily's text saying she'll be giving Alison a ride home instead of Aria, there's also a message from Aria with some lame excuse about a meeting with her book publicist and a brief apology followed by a sad face emoji. Alison rolls her eyes and slams her drawer shut—maybe a bit too roughly judging by the dozen students who lifted their heads at the loud clanging sound to stare at her.

Stupid cracked radiator. Just what she needs this week—car trouble to leave her at the mercy of others. Like she wasn't feeling out of control enough already. Well, she isn't going to subject herself to pity car ride from Emily. She has two working legs and she's perfectly capable of walking home. Being pregnant doesn't make her suddenly incapable and she isn't going to let anyone treat her like such. At least a walk might afford her the chance to clear her head and hopefully figure out why the thought of Emily and Paige makes her skin crawl.

Quickly packing up her belongings, Alison closes the door to her classroom and starts her walk home, eager to slip out of the building before Emily can find her.

She had long ago recognized she had feelings for Emily—deep meaningful feelings different from anything she's ever felt before—but thinking about what those feelings actually mean has always left her spiraling anxiously.

There have been times when she was so sure she was ready to find out—to give herself a chance at finding happiness with the only person she's ever truly loved. She had thought they'd finally have that shot when she first came back to Rosewood after her time on the run. She and Emily had gotten close, but after their one incredible night of passion, things fell apart in spectacular fashion. And while she wasn't surprised to see things implode because she knew she didn't deserve happiness—didn't deserve Emily—that didn't stop her heart from cracking in her chest when Emily said she was done with her.

And years later, when she had been broken down by tragedy and despair, she shed her usual armor for a night and leaned over to press her lips against Emily's once again. And despite the uncertainty that loomed over every other aspect of her life, one thing had been made clear in that moment on her couch a couple of weeks ago—that she never stopped loving Emily Fields. But with daylight came questions and the nagging fear in the back of her mind that she and Emily could never work—that she would never be worthy of something, someone, so pure and good. So she quickly shut herself down and put her walls back up, afraid that her momentary slip might cost her Emily for good.

But once again, she blew her shot. Because she didn't have the strength to be truthful when Emily asked why she kissed her that night. Because she's too afraid to let Emily love her. Because she's too afraid to hope for the thing she's wanted since she was 14 years old. And now Emily is with Paige and she's alone and broken.

* * *

Emily makes it to Alison's classroom a few minutes after 3 o'clock, but the lights are off and the door is closed. She peeks inside to see that the room is empty. Frowning to herself, she pulls her cell phone from her pocket and dials Alison's number. After her call is sent to voicemail for the third time, Emily gives up and leaves with an annoyed sigh, assuming Alison must have found another way home.

The following morning, Emily arrives at work early in hopes of catching Alison before class and asking her why she disappeared yesterday afternoon. She had tried to let it go but she couldn't help but be annoyed that Alison hadn't even bothered to text her and let her know that she wouldn't need Emily to drive her home.

Of course Alison isn't there when Emily walks into the faculty lounge so the swim coach decides to use the extra time to run off a couple dozen copies of a try-out poster she had hastily drawn up last night. As she stands in front of the copier, letting the sound of the machine lull her into a daze, Emily feels hands wrap around her waist and a body press against her back. Emily tenses as she feels a rush of warmth breathed against her neck.

"Morning," Paige murmurs against her back.

"Hey," Emily breathes out.

"What happened last night? I thought you were going to come by after dinner?" Paige says, a suggestive lift to her voice

"Sorry. I had to get these fliers done and prepare for emergency try-outs next week," Emily explains lamely. Truthfully, Emily has been avoiding being alone with Paige since their kiss and a part of her feels guilty for being distant after she had made such a show of wanting Paige to stay in Rosewood. Now she's starting to wonder if she made a mistake by rushing back into a relationship with Paige. When Paige said she was planning to take a job in Iowa, Emily panicked—Paige represented safety and stability to her and Emily was in desperate need of some safety and stability in her otherwise chaotic life, but is it fair of her to rely on Paige for comfort when it's clear the other girl's feelings for her are much more intense in nature?

Paige looks over Emily's shoulder to study the paper in her hand. "Looking for someone to replace Addison Derringer?"

"Mmhmm," Emily hums as she presses a couple of buttons on the copier. The troublemaking teen had thankfully been removed from the team after Principal Hackett suspended her for making false accusations against Emily and that meant Emily's squad is currently one girl down.

"I'm sure you'll find someone great. What girl in this school wouldn't want to be coached by the amazing Coach Fields," Paige smirks, her hands falling away from Emily's waist and sliding under her button-up.

"Paige, we're at work," Emily whispers, swatting Paige's hands away.

"Do you two mind dry-humping each other somewhere else? You're blocking the copier," Alison snaps at the pair from behind.

Emily blushes fiercely when she hears Alison's voice and jumps apart from Paige, turning to see the blonde glaring at her. Beside her, Paige grins unashamedly, keeping her eyes on Alison as she walks out.

* * *

She finds herself glancing into Alison's classroom whenever she walks past—which if she's being honest, is more times than necessary—and when she finally spots the English teacher alone inside, sitting at her desk and working quietly, her feet shuffle across the tile till she's standing beside the blonde's desk.

"Hey, where'd you go yesterday after school?" Emily asks, her voice soft as smiles at the worn copy of _Great Expectations_ on Alison's desk. "Aria asked me to give you a ride home but you were gone when I got to your classroom."

"I walked," Alison answers, her tone short and her eyes remaining glued to the student essay she's pretending to read so she won't have to look at Emily.

"Ali, it was raining. I texted you that I would be driving you home. Why didn't you wait for me?" Emily asks, her voice a mix of concern and annoyance because God, Alison could be so stubborn sometimes.

Alison sighs and tosses her pen aside, watching as it rolls off the stack of papers she had been grading before Emily walked in, and slowly turning her head and lifting her eyes to look at the brunette. "It was barely drizzling. Besides, I don't need you and Aria making arrangements for me like I'm some sort of pre-schooler who needs to be driven to soccer practice after school."

Emily chooses to ignore Alison's snippy attitude, chalking it up to pregnancy hormones and presses on. "Well, is your car still in the shop?"

"Yes. The mechanic called to say the part I need hasn't come in yet."

Emily studies Alison's features, taking note of her tense posture and closed off body language. "Did Aria drop you off again this morning?"

"Yeah. She's still trying to work off her guilt from leaving me at the Darling Duck the other day," Alison answers with a roll of her eyes. She appreciates Aria's efforts to get her to work, but she's tired of the guilty looks and constant apologies and unnecessary fussing over her. She honestly doesn't even care that Aria had left her alone—there's only one person she would have wanted with her in that store when she learned the devastating news about her pregnancy and it wasn't Aria.

"Okay, so I'll take you home today," Emily declares decidedly.

Alison shakes her head and sighs, "You don't have to do that."

"I know I don't have to, I _want_ to," Emily counters, leaning her hip against Alison's desk and letting her eyes fall to the blonde's ample cleavage, which just so happens to be peeking through her fitted floral blouse. Feeling her cheeks start to warm at the sight, Emily clears her throat and takes a step back, adjusting her gaze so she's looking in Alison's eyes and offering a small smile.

"I can just ask Aria to pick me up," Alison says dismissively, turning away from Emily to thumb through the stack of essays on her desk.

"But I'm already here. It makes more sense for me to drive you than it does for Aria to stop whatever she's doing and go out of her way to come get you."

"Then I'll just walk again. That way I won't have to inconvenience you or Aria or anyone else," Alison snaps, closing the folder on her desk and pushing her chair back to stand.

Emily's forehead creases, caught off guard by Alison taking offense to what she said. "Ali, that's not what I meant. Nobody's saying you're an inconvenience. Me driving you just makes more sense. What's gotten in to you?"

"Don't you have to hang out with your girlfriend after school?" Alison asks petulantly, turning her back to Emily as she starts to pack her things into her bag.

"Is that what this is about? Paige?" Emily questions incredulously. What was it with these two?

Alison whirls around on the other girl angrily. "Why didn't you tell me you two started dating again?"

"It's only been a couple of days," Emily mutters, shrugging to downplay the situation. "And I didn't tell you because you had a lot going on. And I didn't think it mattered to you," she adds, trying to make sense of the hurt expression on Alison's face.

Alison scoffs, "It doesn't."

"Then why are you getting upset?" Emily challenges.

"I'm not upset!" Alison shoots back defensively. She feels tears start to prick at her eyes and she grows anxious with the need to escape before they fall. "I'm just… I thought we….. forget it," she trails off, shaking her head and brushing past Emily on her way to the door.

"Alison," Emily calls, grabbing the girl by the forearm and spinning her back around to face her. "You thought what?" she demands.

"I said forget it," Alison bites out, failing to keep her voice even as she catches Emily's warm brown eyes studying her intensely. "And don't worry about giving me a ride home, I have a department meeting after school anyway so I won't be leaving till late."

Emily frowns at Alison's obvious distress. "I can wait."

"Apparently not," Alison fires back pointedly, tugging her arm out of Emily's grasp and walking away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thanks for the awesome response to the last chapter! I'm glad so many people liked that last line ;) I was hoping to finish this story before this week's episode airs and show canon starts to mess with my head-canon, but I don't think that's going to happen. Still I wanted to get this chapter and possibly one more out before PLL reality sets in on Tuesday.**

* * *

"Ali, over here," Spencer waves her over as she makes her way into the Grille. Spencer's invitation to grab lunch with her and Hanna had been just the excuse Alison needed to take a break from work—from Emily and Paige—and hopefully clear her head.

Alison follows Spencer's voice till she spots her sitting with Hanna at a back booth and weaves her way through tables till she reaches the pair.

"Hey," Hanna greets, looking up from her phone as Alison takes a seat across from her. "I got hungry while we waited so I ordered us some cheesy fries to share."

Hanna pushes the tray of cheese covered french fries in Alison's direction. Alison eyes the food and makes a face of disgust before pushing it back towards Hanna with a shake of her head.

"Are you seriously rejecting cheesy covered goodness right now?" Hanna demands, insulted.

"You mean cheese covered fried grease?" Alison returns, frowning. "No thanks."

"Is this a pregnancy thing? You know, like when certain foods suddenly make pregnant women want to barf?" Hanna wonders out loud.

"Hanna," Spencer scolds, furtively glancing in Alison's direction to gauge the blonde's reaction.

"What?! She knows she's pregnant, it's not like it's a secret," Hanna says dismissively. "Why can't we mention it?".

"Because we agreed we wouldn't bring it up unless Alison brings it up first as not to upset her," Spencer whispers loudly through clenched teeth.

Hanna rolls her eyes as she pops another fry in her mouth. "It's not like Ali's going to forget someone shoved Emily's eggs inside her and created a Franken-baby if we don't talk about it."

"Jesus, Hanna!" Spencer exclaims, exasperated. "Tact. Try it sometime."

Alison sighs, tired of listening to her friends talk about her like she's invisible "It's fine. Hanna's right. Not talking about doesn't make it any less real. We can talk about it."

"Hear that?" Hanna smiles at Spencer. "I'm right."

They pause the conversation as the waitress approaches the booth to take their order. Alison watches her walk back to the kitchen to put their order in before turning back to face her friends' questions. It's not that she wants to talk about it, but it's out in the open now and she can't exactly avoid it.

"So," Spencer starts cautiously, "have you decided yet—what you're going to do?"

Alison takes a deep breath and fidgets with her napkin. "I decided what I was going to do when I was pregnant with Archer's and my baby. Now that it's Emily's… I'm back to square one."

"Why?" Spencer questions as she sips her iced tea.

"What do you mean _why_? Because it's Emily's baby," Alison fires back.

Spencer leans in, her voice soft but firm. "That doesn't change the fact that you didn't choose to get pregnant and you're not ready to have a child right now, Ali."

"Of course it does! It changes everything!" Alison cries, quickly growing agitated because Spencer just doesn't get it. "Besides, it's not my decision to make alone. Emily has a say too now."

"Where is Emily anyway?" Hanna asks. "I invited her to join us but she never answered my text."

"She's probably too busy having lunch with _Paige_ , bonding over Pho and spring rolls," Alison mutters irritably, her eyes rolling in disgust as she picks at the turkey and avocado panini on her plate.

The reason she so readily accepted Spencer and Hanna's invitation to meet up at the Grille during her lunch break was because she wanted to get off campus for a bit so she won't have to watch Emily and Paige moon over each other in the faculty lounge. She'll have to go back to work and face them again soon enough, but for now, she's safe from the site that causes that strange sinking feeling in her chest.

Both Hanna and Spencer raise their eyes at Alison's ornery tone and watch curiously as the blonde plays with her food like a cranky toddler.

"Something wrong with your panini?" Spencer asks.

Alison frowns and shoves the plate away in disgust. "I've lost my appetite. The smell is making me sick."

"See I was right. It is a pregnancy thing!" Hanna beams proudly, taking another bite of her cheesy fries as Spencer shakes her head beside her.

* * *

"Hey, there you are," Paige smiles when she finds Emily on the bleachers in the gym going over her girls' latest lap times. "I've been looking all over for you."

Emily had been sort of hiding out since her conversation with Alison earlier in the morning, still trying to wrap her head around what it all meant. She had sought Alison out to gain some clarity, to get an explanation from the blonde as to why she disappeared after school yesterday without so much as a curtesy text message, but as always, her interaction with the blonde had left her more confused than ever. She hadn't expected Alison to respond favorably to the news that she was dating Paige again, but she was expecting snark and snippiness, not the haunting look of hurt and betrayal she had seen on Alison's face in her classroom a couple of hours ago.

Emily looks up from her clip board just as Paige leans down to give her a quick kiss on the lips. Emily flashes the other girl a tight-lipped smile as she pulls back and looks around the gym furtively.

"Paige, I was thinking maybe we should be a little more discrete when we're at work."

Paige raises her eyes as she takes a seat beside Emily on the bleachers and turns her head to face her. "What does that mean?"

"The kisses, the pet names, the PDA. I don't think those things are appropriate when we're at work," Emily explains carefully.

"Since when does Emily Fields start hiding who she is in public?" Paige questions, an edge of accusation to her voice.

"I'm not hiding anything," Emily defends sharply. "But you saw what happened with that girl Addison. She almost destroyed my reputation and nearly cost me my job over a hug."

Paige's expression softens. "Has Addison been giving you trouble again?"

"No. But who knows what that little brat is planning next," Emily says through gritted teeth as she stands to pace, frustrations flaring at the thought of the girl who had spied on her and Alison's private moment and given A.D. even more ammunition in their little game.

Paige cocks her head, eyes narrowing on Emily as the swim coach paces the gym floor. "This isn't about Addison, is it?"

Emily freezes, feeling Paige's gaze on her. "Of course it is," she stammers out guiltily. She isn't lying, Addison and her conniving ways did present a problem, but maybe there's also another reason for her PDA ban.

"This is about Ali," Paige accuses and Emily has to look away from Paige's intense expression because she can't deny that yes, this is partly about Alison. She can feel Alison pulling away from her and she knows her relationship with Paige is the likely culprit.

"Paige, come on," Emily says, trying to keep the conversation from veering into all to familiar territory. She's tired of fighting with Paige about Alison, even if there is some truth to the other girl's concerns.

"She can't stand seeing us happy together and you're too afraid to upset her!" Paige accuses angrily.

"That's not true," Emily tries to placate.

Paige shakes her head and stands. "This is unbelievable! You know, I thought that once Alison's situation was taken care of we would actually be able to be together without any distractions. But now I see that's never going to happen, is it?"

"Situation?" Emily repeats, her forehead creasing at Paige's words. "What situation?"

Paige takes a deep breath, having the decency to look guilty as she closes her eyes and admits the truth. "I know Alison is pregnant and that she's planning on having an abortion this weekend."

Emily's eyes widen in surprise. "How do you know that? Did Ali tell you?" She can't imagine Alison ever willingly disclosing such a personal piece of information to Paige, but she can't think of any other explanation for Paige's knowledge of Alison's previous plan.

"No. She left her stuff on the table in the faculty lounge the other day and I saw her appointment card," Paige admits.

"So you just went through her stuff? Paige, that appointment was private!" Emily scolds, her instinct to protect Alison kicking in. The blonde had been violated enough in regard to this pregnancy, she didn't need her privacy compromised too.

"I wasn't snooping. It just happened."

Emily rolls her eyes, "I'm sure it did."

"Emily, don't you see what's happening here?" Paige cries, her voice pleading. "It hasn't even been a week and Alison is already tearing us apart!"

"Alison didn't do anything wrong," Emily defends, annoyed at the implication that Alison is willingly playing any part in this screwed up situation. Alison's will had been stolen from her, just as Emily's had been when A.D. got ahold of her eggs, and she isn't going to listen to anyone cast blame on Alison after she had been so horrifically victimized.

"Of course she didn't," Paige scoffs. "You know, Emily, I really thought that once Ali gets rid of her baggage, you'd finally stop worrying about her and be able to go back to living your life. I was willing to wait it out because I want to be with you. But obviously I was being naive, because pregnant or not, Ali's always going to have that hold over you. She's always going to be able to pull you back into her drama."

"You think a baby is just _baggage_ I'm waiting for Alison to get rid of so I won't have to deal with her anymore?" Emily snaps harshly. That baby—her baby— isn't baggage. That baby is the result of a painful act of violation neither she nor Alison asked for nor deserved. That baby turned her whole world upside down, and she still has no idea what the future holds, but baby or no baby, she's never going to stop caring about Alison.

"Emily, that's not what I meant," Paige argues. "I understand why you've been so worried about Ali lately. I get it, I really do. She needs a friend right now and I love that you have such a big heart that you want to be there for her in her time of need, but it's okay to be a little selfish too. It's okay to put yourself first every once in a while and not be the one she runs to for every little thing that goes wrong in her life."

Emily reminds herself to breathe as she remembers that Paige doesn't know the whole story. It's unfair of her to blow up over Paige's reaction—callous as it may have been- when Paige is still in the dark about the circumstances of Alison's pregnancy and Emily's role in it. "When did you find out?" she asks calmly.

"Monday."

Realization hits Emily, her head tilting slightly to study Paige. "Is that why you changed your mind about Iowa and decided to stay? Because you found out Ali is pregnant?"

"I thought maybe there was something going on between you two, but now I see you were just being a good friend and that Alison is in no place to be in a relationship," Paige explains, her voice desperate.

"So you decided to stay because you think Alison is too damaged to be considered a threat anymore?" Emily asks in disbelief.

"Emily, you're putting words in my mouth," Paige says, frowning as she closes the distance between them. "Why are we even talking about Alison right now? She has nothing to do with us."

"Then why do you make everything about her? Why did you base your decision to stay and be with me on her?"

"I—I didn't," Paige argues weakly. "I stayed because I love you."

Emily lets her eyes fall closed as she takes a deep breath and looks away from Paige's intensely adoring eyes. Did she love Paige back? The way she used to? The way Paige loves her? She can't bring herself to say the words.

"Emily, I'm tired of fighting about Alison," Paige says, grasping Emily's hands and squeezing desperately. "You said you were hoping for another chance at us, well here it is. We owe it to ourselves to try to make this work. No distractions. No complications. No one else. Just us."

Emily's stomach twists with guilt. She can't give Paige the assurance she deserves because there is someone else.

* * *

Emily works the rest of the day in a fog, her head still reeling from the conversations she had with Alison and Paige. She knows she has to make a decision—multiple decisions—but everything is so jumbled up and confusing and she has no idea how to proceed. She tries to focus on work to distract her from her doubts about Paige and her confusion about Alison, but her mind keeps returning to a certain blonde and the look in Alison's eyes when she had stormed out of her own classroom that morning.

After a long merciless afternoon practice with her team, Emily goes to check the locker room to make sure none of her girls are lingering behind. Finding the room clear, she starts to post the lane assignments for the weekend's meet on the board.

"Alright, I'm here. Let's go," Alison announces as she waltzes into the locker room, her displeasure written clearly on her face.

Emily spins to face the blonde and blinks back at her surprise. She had assumed Alison walked home again. It certainly didn't seem like the blonde would be willing to ride home with her after their last conversation.

"You insisted on giving me a ride home, remember? Or do you and Paige have to go shopping for matching flannels or something," Alison snarks, crossing her arms over her chest and turning away from the swim coach.

Emily rolls her eyes at the blonde's quip. "Jealousy isn't a good look on you, Ali."

"Me? Jealous of Paige? Please," Alison scoffs.

"I still have to lock up the office and take the towels to the laundry. I'll be a few minutes," Emily says.

Alison huffs at the delay. "Great. Guess I'll just wait here then."

"Just what the world needs, a hormonal Alison DiLaurentis," Emily mutters to herself, sliding past Alison to walk out to the pool area and finish up for the day.

When Emily returns to the locker room a few minutes later, she finds Alison sitting quietly on the bench staring pensively at a row of lockers.

"That used to be my gym locker," she says quietly.

"I know," Emily says, her eyes following Alison's line of sight to the metal door—memories of Alison's neck against her lips—soft and tasting of vanilla body wash—flooding back to her. She takes a couple of steps towards the bench and sits down next to Alison, turning her body so their knees touch and her eyes can read Alison's. "What are you thinking about?"

"Myself," Alison answers with a diminutive chuckle that makes Emily smile. "How awful I used to be. How badly I used to treat people—used to treat you."

Emily can feel the pain in Alison's regretful words and her heart breaks for the guilt-ridden blonde. "Ali, that was a long time ago."

Alison nods and presses her lips together. "Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago. Like I don't even know who that girl is anymore. But other times, it doesn't feel like it was that long ago at all."

"We were all different people back then. I even had a boyfriend," Emily tries to joke, hoping to break Alison out of her somber mood.

Alison laughs. "Yeah that was weird. But you were still you. You just hadn't accepted that part of yourself yet."

"What about you? Have you accepted all parts of yourself?" Emily prods, her voice soft and her gaze warm.

Alison swallows hard, biting her lip as her eyes drop to Emily's mouth. She wants to lean forward and capture Emily's mouth with her own, sweep her tongue across the brunette's lips and taste her once again—tell her that she _knows_ now and let that be her answer to all of Emily's unanswered questions, but Emily is with Paige now, and even though she doesn't like it, she'll respect it because Emily is better off loving someone who isn't her—someone like Paige.

"I hate the person I used to be, Em," Alison confesses, her eyes welling with tears. "I was so afraid of being myself that I hurt the people I cared about the most. I'm happy this baby will have no part of me."

"Have you… are you keeping it?" Emily asks.

Alison shakes her head and wipes at the tears that have started to fall. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Ali," Emily starts tenderly, reaching out to grab Alison's hand and forcing the blonde to look at her. "You don't have to keep this baby because its mine. I donated my eggs to help people who _want_ to start a family, not so some psychopath can play God and manipulate you."

"What if I want to keep it because it's yours?" Alison asks, her voice small and full of fear.

"Then we'll figure it out. Okay? You and me together," Emily repeats her earlier promise as she takes in the meaning of Alison's words.

Deciding their conversations have been heavy enough for one day, Emily sighs and stands, stretching her tired muscles before turning back to Alison. "Come on, lets get you home," she says, extending a hand for Alison to take. But Alison doesn't acknowledge Emily or her outstretched hand, her clear blue eyes staring out ahead with a haunted glassy gaze. "Ali, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry for how I treated you," Alison says finally, her eyes flitting up to the locker behind Emily.

Emily glances back at the locker and frowns at Alison's apology. "You've apologized for that already."

"But it'll never be enough," Alison says, shaking her head sadly. "I've spent years trying to make up for all the damage I caused when I was younger, but you can't go back. You can't undo years of lies and bad decisions. One way or another, it'll all come back to you."

"Do you think this is happening to you now because of what you did when you were younger?" Emily asks, trying not to sound too incredulous as not to make Alison think she's mocking her.

"Everyone has to pay, Emily. You can't out run karma. I thought I was done paying for my sins, but I was wrong," Alison says as she mulls over the cruelty of being impregnated with the child of the girl she loves when that girl happens to be in love with someone else. She had thought she had suffered for her past sins already-when her friends had turned on her years ago and she had been left to rot in jail for a crime she didn't commit, but now she sees God had a much crueler fate in store for her. Starting a family with Emily one day-that had been a dream she had barely had the courage to dream, and now she's being viciously taunted with that dream and the pain is unbearable.

"Ali, that was almost 10 years ago. You made mistakes but you were a child. You don't deserve what's happening to you now. No one does," Emily says firmly, crouching down in front of Alison to look her in the eyes and make her understand.

"Do I deserve you?" Alison asks softly.

Emily staggers back slightly, caught of guard by the genuine vulnerability she detects in Alison's voice. "What?"

Alison takes a deep breath and looks up at the brunette, her lips curving into a gentle trace of smile. "Do you remember when you tried to kiss me in here?" she asks, her hand reaching back to rub at the spot on the back of her neck where Emily's lips had grazed all those years ago.

Emily swallows and nods slowly, not wanting to relive that particular memory.

"I was so scared that day," Alison confesses.

" _You_ were scared? Of what?" Emily asks, because _she_ remembers being terrified—terrified that Alison would react exactly the way she did, but Alison had never seemed afraid of anything back then.

"That feeling I got in my stomach when you kissed me for the first time. I tore you down and made you feel stupid for taking a chance that day after gym, but I wanted you to kiss me again and that terrified me," Alison admits in a tearful rush. "So when you did, I snapped at you and made you think I didn't want you to, but the truth is, I wanted to feel that feeling in my stomach again. I still do."

"Ali," Emily breathes out raggedly.

"Ten years later and I'm still scared," Alison says with a regretful laugh. "And now I've lost you."

"You haven't lost me."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Here we go, chapter 4. This one's short and sweet but I should have the next chapter up in a couple of days. I tried to work some of the developments of 7x15 in this chapter, but with a few changes to fit my story. Thanks again for reading, reviewing and following this story. Please let me know what you guys think!**

* * *

She needs wine. Really any form of alcohol will do but wine is preferred. She's had some time to think since dropping Alison off at home and she still hasn't been able to process everything Alison had said in the locker room. Alison had admitted she had feelings—well, a certain feeling in her stomach—for her and confessed that she still wanted Emily to kiss her, and Emily's brain had basically short-circuited because what the hell does that even mean? And what did Alison expect her to do with that information? Especially now, right as she's trying to start something up with Paige again.

 _Paige._ Emily pulls her cell phone from her pocket to make the call.

" _Paige…hey. I'm sorry I don't think I'll be able to make it tonight. I just have a lot of work to catch up on tonight," Emily says into the phone as she unscrews the cork on a bottle of wine Hanna had brought home last week. She pauses to listen to Paige's response. "I know we haven't gotten to see each other much….. I've just been really swamped with work… yeah, of course. You too. Okay, bye."_

"Who was that?" Hanna asks as she exits the bedroom to hear the tail end of Emily's conversation.

"Paige," Emily mumbles as she turns her back to the other girl. She slips her cell into her back pocket and reaches up to take a glass from the cabinet. After a moment of thought, Emily grabs a second glass for Hanna and sets both on the counter. "We were supposed to have dinner later but I decided to stay in."

"Paige? Are you two back together?" Hanna asks as she makes her way over to the counter where Emily stands.

"Yeah, I guess so," Emily answers with a shrug, yanking the cork from the bottle of wine and pouring herself a generous glass full. She's not really sure of where she and Paige currently stand but she supposes they're at least trying. That's what she had wanted, wasn't it? But as always, Alison had blown a hole in her plans.

She rubs a hand over face and shakes her head. She feels bad for blowing Paige off again but how is she supposed to face Paige when she had wanted to grab Alison's face in that locker room and kiss her till they were both breathless and dizzy. How is that fair to Paige?

"Hmm," Hanna hums as she takes the bottle of wine from Emily's hand and pours herself a glass. "So why are you canceling on her?"

Emily takes a long sip of wine, trying to avoid Hanna's scrutinizing gaze. "I'm not canceling, I'm just rescheduling. I had a long day at work and I have a lot to do and I need to get up early tomorrow so I'd rather stay in tonight and get to bed early."

"Hmm," Hanna repeats with a knowing smirk.

" _Hmm_? Why do you keep doing that? What's that supposed to mean?" Emily demands, annoyed.

Hanna shrugs and places her glass down on the counter. "Nothing. I'm just surprised is all. I had no idea you were interested in getting back together with Paige. I thought that chapter was closed."

"Why would you be surprised by that? We've all fallen back on old habits since we've been back in Rosewood. You're back with Caleb, Aria's with Ezra again," Emily says defensively.

"Caleb isn't an old habit, Emily. He's my soulmate. Is Paige yours?" Hanna asks pointedly.

Emily bristles, guilt burning her head. "Why do you care?"

"I just thought you'd end up with someone else, that's all," Hanna explains with an easy shrug. "But if Paige makes you happy, then I'm happy for you, Em."

"Who did you think I'd end up with?" Emily asks curiously.

"You know who," Hanna says as she rests her elbows on the countertop and leans forward till her head is resting in her hands. When Emily just continues to stare back at her blankly, Hanna elaborates, "Rosewood High's hottest English teacher? She's blonde? Has a tendency to rush into sham marriages? She also happens to be pregnant with your child."

Emily rolls her eyes at Hanna's sarcastic tone. "Yeah, well _she's_ not interested. Paige actually loves me."

"Alison loves you," Hanna states matter-of-factly.

"Alison loves me as a friend, the same way she loves you and Aria and Spencer," Emily says bitterly. She knows what she heard Alison say in that locker room only an hour ago but it still doesn't feel real. And she's still weary from years of push and pull with the temperamental blonde. As much as she wants Alison, has always wanted Alison, she doesn't want to take this leap and fall on her face _again_.

"If you can't see that Alison's love for you is different from her love for the rest of us, then you're blinded than Jenna. She doesn't get jealous of Caleb or Ezra," Hanna points out smugly.

Emily shakes her head, bringing her glass to her lips yet again. "Alison only wants what she can't have," she mutters into her wine.

The ride to Alison's house after school had been tense and silent. Alison had barely looked in her direction and Emily had been too nervous to ask all the questions swirling around in her mind. It was like every time she and Alison took a step forward, something pulled them back, halting their progress like they were running a race in quicksand.

Hanna arches an eyebrow, "If you say so."

"I do," Emily snaps. "Besides, I tried," she insists, an edge to her voice. Hanna has no idea how hard she's tried to make something happen with Alison, how many times she's had the rug pulled out from under her. Hanna has no idea how her heart cracks just a little bit more every time she and Alison do this dance only to remain unmoving.

"Did you?" Hanna challenges. "Because it looks like you ran right back to Paige when things got hard."

Emily places her glass down angrily, the wine sloshing up the sides of glass but not spilling over. "Hey, don't blame me for trying to have a relationship with someone who's actually capable of loving me!" she snaps. "This isn't on me! I couldn't wait around forever! In case you forgot, a couple of months ago, Alison was married!"

"And then we killed her husband, so what's your excuse now?" Hanna shoots back with an exaggerated eye roll.

Emily shakes her head, her anger fading as she remembers how scared and vulnerable Alison had sounded in the locker room a couple of hours ago, how honest she had been. "Things with Alison are really complicated right now. She's pregnant with my child for god's sake. What I have with Paige is just easier."

Emily can't help but think about the baby—her baby—as she tries to justify her realtionship with Paige to Hanna. When Alison said she still wants Emily to kiss her, implied she has feelings for her—Emily's mind had drifted to a place in the future where she and Alison, exhausted and covered in strained peas, sing lullabies and play peak-a-poo while tiredly exchanging smiles over their tiny infant's head and stealing the occasional kiss during early morning feedings. And the thought had made her so dizzily happy that she had immediately pushed it down deep inside and forced herself to snap out of her daydream, because happy endings like that didn't exist, couldn't exist in cases like this, and Alison could never want the same thing.

"Is that what you want? Whatever's easiest?" Hanna questions seriously. "Because you deserve more than that, Em."

Emily shakes her head thoughtfully. "It can never work with Alison."

"Why not?"

"Because it's Alison," Emily breathes out, her voice rising to a high-pitched, strained wail. "She's…we have too much history. We've let too much go unsaid."

"So sort your shit out and say what you need to say," Hanna instructs. "Preferably before this baby is born so that poor kid won't have to deal with his or her moms playing dumb and acting like they don't love each other."

Emily's heart clenches at the mention of the baby whose future she's foolishly already started planning. "Ali hasn't made a decision about the baby yet."

"But you have," Hanna says knowingly.

Emily straightens up, startled by her friend's claim. "What? No I haven't."

Hanna gestures in Emily's direction, wine glass in hand. "I can see it in your eyes, Em. You want that baby."

"I want whatever Alison wants," Emily insists, trying to keep her voice from betraying her. She can't ask Alison to have this baby, no matter how badly she wants to.

"You want to raise that baby with Alison."

"Even if I did, I can't ask her to do that. Not when this baby was conceived in such a vile way," Emily says, shaking her head sadly. What kind of person would she be if she asked Alison to do this?

"Have you tried actually telling Alison how you feel about it? She might feel the same way," Hanna suggest gently.

"How could she?!" Emily cries. "After what A.D. did to her—there's no way she's going to want to have this baby. It'll just be a reminder of one of the most horrifically painful things to ever happen to her, and I'll be the monster who asked her to have it." Angry tears prick at Emily's eyes as she's reminded of how powerless she is in this situation.

Alison told her it was her decision too and in her mind, Emily knows exacly what she wants, but is it really her decision to make?

"Or it'll remind her of you. That baby isn't A.D.'s, Emily. It's yours and Alison loves you, so she probably already loves this baby."

Emily swallows and wipes her eyes. Maybe that's what scares her the most—not that Alison won't want to have this baby, but that she will. That Alison will want this too. And what would that mean for them?

* * *

Emily's talk with Hanna ends abruptly when Hanna gets a call from Caleb and retreats to her bedroom to talk to him in private. Emily tosses her head back with an exhausted sigh, her eyes scanning the room till she spots her car keys on the table by the door. Taking a deep breath and exhaling harshly, Emily makes a quick decisions and grabs her keys and bolts from the loft. She needs to talk to Alison.

Emily's mind functions on autopilot as she drives to Alison, knocks on the door and follows the blonde into the living room. It's not till she's sitting opposite Alison, staring into anxious blue eyes that she's forced to face the reality of what she's doing here.

"Em," Alison says softly, breaking Emily out of her daze. "Are you okay?"

Emily nods and buries her shaky hands between her legs, her throat going dry. "Yeah. I'm okay. Are you okay?" she rasps out.

Alison shrugs, "I don't know what I am anymore." She tilts her head to the side like she's studying the woman opposite her. As she takes in Emily's grim expression, a nervous feeling twists in her stomach. "Em, what's going on? Why did you come here?"

"I want you to have the baby." The words spill out of Emily's mouth in a desperate rush and when she glances up, she sees Alison take a sharp breath and blink back at her with wide frightened eyes.

"You want me to have the baby?" Alison croaks out, her face twisting in unmistakable shock.

Sure she had entertained the idea of having the baby once she found out it was Emily's, but hearing Emily speak it into reality is painfully sobering. Would she really be able to carry this pregnancy to term when every bout of morning sickness, every doctor's appointment, every kick to her stomach is likely to remind her of the way this baby was made, of the feeling of being strapped down to a bed and having someone force something unwanted inside her. She's sick just thinking about it. And maybe she's crazy for considering doing this when she has no idea what it'll mean for the future, or where she stands with Emily, or even what role she'll have in this baby's life, but how can she possibly deny Emily and terminate this pregnancy when the brunette's eyes are so desperate and full of hope. But it's Emily's baby—Emily's perfect little baby—and there's something pure and hopeful in the thought of having Emily's baby. And maybe if she has this baby, she'll finally be able to put something good back into this world.

Instantly Emily feels a wave of guilt hit her because Alison looks absolutely horrified and Emily just wants to take it back and hold her till that scared broken look in her eyes goes away, but she needs to be honest with Alison and herself. "I want a chance to raise this baby," she says.

Alison is unable to speak so Emily continues, tries to make Ali understand. "You don't have to decide right now and I know I'm asking a lot of you, and I'd totally understand if you can't do it, but Ali, all I'm asking is that you consider having this baby. Will you consider it, please?"

Alison swallows thickly, the thoughts racing through her mind overwhelming her till all she can hear is an indistinguishable piercing noise in her head. She takes a deep breath and exhales. "Yeah. I'll consider it."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: Hey everyone, here's chapter 5! Sorry this took me a couple days longer than I anticipated, I got side-tracked with a post-7x16 one-shot I wrote and posted.**_ _ **And yes for those asking, I'm still working on Hold Me Down. And also possibly another one-shot. Guess all this emison we've been getting lately has inspired me because I don't usually work on multiple stories at a time but there's just so much I want to explore with these two. Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing :) Next chapter should be out in a few days. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!**_

* * *

Alison sighs into her cup of chamomile tea, which she still hasn't gotten used to drinking, as she carefully dials the number on the card in her hand. The faculty lounge has cleared out for the morning and she's finally able to sit down and make the call she's been dreading.

She should have talked this decision over with Emily further but after baring her soul to the brunette in the locker room yesterday and then being too scared and tongue-tied to talk when Emily came over and asked her to have the baby, Alison doesn't think she can take another emotional heart-to-heart with Emily. So she decides to gather a little more information on the issue, just to see how it makes her feel, and with that, hopefully comes a little more perspective.

" _Hi. I'd like to set up an appointment with Doctor Palmer. Alison DiLaurentis. Yes. For a sonogram. Anytime after four would be good. Yes, that'll work. Okay, great. I'll see you Wednesday at 4:00 then. Thank you._ "

"Great," Alison groans when she hangs up the phone and looks up to find a figure hovering over her. "Do you make it a habit of spying on all your co-workers, or just me?"

"It's called the faculty lounge, I'm on the faculty," Paige says, returning Alison's snarky tone before making her way over to the coffee maker.

"Don't remind me," Alison mutters as she stands up and starts collecting her belongings from the table. She really doesn't need to be around Paige when she's struggling to make a decision on whether or not to have Emily's baby.

"Ali, wait," Paige calls after her.

Alison stops her retreat and turns to Paige expectantly. As she waits for the other woman to speak, Alison feels her heart sink as she's hit with the realization that if she has this baby, Paige will be a part of his or her life.

Paige clutches an empty mug in her hand and cautiously lifts her eyes to meet Alison's. "I wanted to apologize for the other day," she says. "I shouldn't have looked through your stuff. That information was private and I was wrong to do that."

"You're right, you were wrong," Alison agrees quickly. "But thank you. Apology accepted," she adds, her voice softening a bit.

Paige nods and continues to stare at Alison like she wants to say something.

Alison raises an eyebrow at Paige's anxious body language. "Is that all?"

"Did I hear wrong or were you just scheduling a sonogram appointment when I came in?" Paige asks hesitantly.

"I don't see how that's any of your business," Alison snaps, an edge to her voice. She doesn't care if Paige will eventually be a part of this baby's life, right now this baby is a part of her and she's not going to explain herself to Paige.

Paige shakes her head, "It's not. I just thought you had decided to have an abor—"

"I'm not having this discussion with you," Alison cuts her off sharply, whirling around and striding out of the room before Paige can say another word.

* * *

Aria texts that she'll be dropping by around lunchtime and Alison starts to suspect that her friends are plotting to fill her free time in order to keep her mind off her current situation. As if a casual lunch with friends could distract her from the fact that she's carrying Emily's child, or from thinking about the way that child came to be. Because despite her friends' good intentions and best efforts, it's still all she thinks about, and she honestly doesn't know how she can feel so scared one moment, and so hopeful the next. And that confusion, those conflicting thoughts and feelings, have been plaguing her for days now, because she still feels so violated and angry when she thinks about what was done to her in Welby, but at the same time, she's carrying a part of Emily inside her and anything that's part Emily is good.

"So have you and Emily talked anymore about what you want to do?" Aria asks as she sets out various takeout cartons on Alison's desk.

"A little bit but not really. Things have been kind of complicated lately," Alison answer evasively.

Aria sits on the edge of Alison's desk, her body angled slightly so that she's facing her friend and her lunch balanced in lap. "Yeah. What's going on there?"

"With the baby? I made an appointment for a sonogram this week but we still haven't decided what we're doing." She hasn't decided but she made a sonogram appointment. To see the baby. The baby she maybe sort of wants to have now that she knows Emily wants her to. The baby she's still too afraid to actually talk about with Emily.

Aria nods, her brows raising slightly, but otherwise not reacting to the sonogram news. "And what about you and Emily?"

Alison presses her tongue against the inside of her cheek to keep herself from saying what's really on her mind. "What about me and Emily?"

Aria rolls her eyes as she passes Alison a plastic fork and knife wrapped in a paper napkin. "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. What's going on with you two?"

"Nothing," Alison mumbles, suddenly finding her salad very interesting.

"Did you really think we didn't know there was something going on between you two? Come on, Ali, we know you both better than that. Besides, neither of you are very subtle," Aria says, shooting her a pointed look.

Alison exhales, too tired to deny Aria's insinuation. "There is no me and Emily. There's Emily and Paige. Again," she grounds out, jabbing her fork into her salad a little more forcefully than necessary.

Aria raises her brow in question, "Paige? I didn't realize she was back in the mix."

"Yeah," Alison grumbles. "I screwed up again—shocking, I know—and now Emily's with Paige. And I'm with child." Alison shakes her head at herself. How did her life get this messed up?

Aria gives her a sympathetic look. "How did you screw up?"

Alison takes a deep breath and places her fork down. "I couldn't tell her what she needed to hear when she needed to hear it. I was scared and confused and I pushed her away," Alison explains in a rush, closing her eyes as the memory assaults her. She had been so stupid that day in her house when Emily asked why she had kissed her a couple of nights prior. Emily had given her a chance to admit her feelings right then and there, to say exactly what she's always wanted to say, but Alison had chickened out. She had convinced herself that it wasn't the right time, that it wasn't fair to Emily, that her situation was too messy, too much of a burden, that it could never work—all of which may have been true, but in reality, she had just been too scared to open her mouth and admit the truth about the kiss—about Emily. And now Emily has moved on.

"Did you explain that to her?" Aria asks, her voice soft.

Alison shakes her head, regret overwhelming her. "There's no point. That ship has sailed. Right back to Paige."

"There's still a chance things might work out with you two," Aria says.

But Alison doesn't share her friend's romantic optimism. "I don't think so. Pretty sure that's officially off the table now."

"I don't think it'll ever be off the table for you two. You guys have always had a special connection and if that connection can weather death, multiple As, jail, the dollhouse, college, and everything else you two have been through together, then I don't see why it can't survive this," Aria says with a hopeful smile.

"I don't know," Alison muses pensively before taking a bite of her salad. This baby is so much more monumental than anything they've ever dealt with before and she's not quite sure how to navigate this particular path, especially when she won't have Emily by her side because Emily has chosen someone else.

Alison's too caught up in her own thoughts to notice a third person enter the room, but her head snaps up at the airy sound of Aria's voice.

"Hey Em," Aria greets and Alison hurriedly wipes at the tears that had started pooling in her eyes. She glances up to see Aria smile at the swim coach and gesture to the food spread on Alison's desk. "Want some macaroni salad?" Aria offers.

Emily narrows her eyes at the pair and presses her lips together.

"Aria stopped by to bring me lunch," Alison explains. "You're welcome to join us. That is if you don't have other plans."

"No thanks, I'm good," Emily says, glaring at Aria.

"Em," Alison starts, noticing Emily's irritated attitude towards her lunch companion.

"You know what, I should probably get going," Aria excuses herself, glancing uneasily in Emily's direction as she hops off of Alison's desk. "Ali, if you need someone to take you to that appointment, let me know," she says as she drops her near empty salad container in the trash can beside Alison's desk.

"Thanks again for lunch, Aria. I'll see you later," Alison says with a small smile.

Aria smiles back at the blonde and heads towards the door, offering a quick goodbye to Emily before she leaves.

"Are you seriously still mad at her?" Alison asks once Aria is gone. She thinks Emily's being a little ridiculous about this whole Aria thing. She was the one stranded in that stupid store and she forgave Aria as soon as she apologized.

"Of course I'm still mad at her! She left you alone in a baby store to be terrorized and traumatized by some sick sadistic freak!" Emily snaps angrily, her eyes flashing as she nears Alison's desk.

Alison stands and walks around the front her desk, leaning back against its edge as she locks eyes with Emily. "She didn't know what was going to happen. Besides, it's not her responsibility to babysit me."

Emily huffs in annoyance and takes a few steps closer to Alison till she's standing beside the blonde. "It's not about babysitting you, Ali. It's called being a friend, and clearly Aria doesn't know how to do that."

"It's fine, Em. I'm fine. There's no need to still be mad," Alison says, trying to calm the brunette by placing a hand on her shoulder.

Emily whirls around to face her, causing Alison's hand to fall away from her shoulder. "It's not fine! Nothing about this is fine! You shouldn't have had to find that out on your own. Someone should have been there with you." Emily comes to a pause, pulling her lip between her teeth and shaking her head. "I should have been there with you," she adds quietly.

"Why weren't you?" Alison asks softly, her eyes watching Emily carefully.

Emily is caught off guard by the forwardness of the question and the fragile tone Alison asks it in. "What?"

"You and Hanna didn't show up together that night at my house so you must not have been home with her. Where were you?" Alison asks. She has a feeling she knows exactly where Emily was that night, or rather who she was with, but she feels a self-destructive desire to confirm her suspicions.

Emily tries to swallow down her guilt. "I was with Paige."

"Is that the night you two decided to get back together?" Alison asks. There's no anger or accusation in her voice, just a sad sort of acceptance.

"Alison," Emily exhales. She may not be as quick to forgive as Alison when it comes to Aria's transgression, but she's self-aware enough to know that it's not Aria she's truly mad at. It's herself.

Alison looks down and nods in understanding. "Right. Don't answer that."

"You made another appointment," Emily says after a moment, eager to change the subject.

Alison shakes herself out of her daze and nods again. "Yeah."

"So you decided to go through with the abortion after all?" Emily asks, trying hard not to fend off the sinking ache of disappointment that's settling in the pit of her stomach. Because how can she be so devastated over the loss of something she never even had? Something she didn't have the right to want in the first place? She knew it was asking too much of Alison to have this baby, but she had been hopeful that they'd be able to do this together and now it feels like that hope is being ripped away from her.

Alison shakes her head frantically, turning to face Emily. "Oh. No. It's not…. I made a sonogram appointment," she explains in haste.

"A sonogram?" Emily repeats, surprised but pleased. "So you're definitely having the baby?" she asks eagerly.

"I'm not definite about anything," Alison says, looking away from Emily's hopeful brown eyes for a moment. "But I'm not _not_ having the baby. And I'm a few weeks into the pregnancy now and I probably should have had one already, so…" Alison trails off, her eyes darting nervously around the room to avoid meeting Emily's gaze.

"I think that's a good idea."

"You do?" Alison asks, turning her head quickly to look at the brunette.

"Yeah," Emily says, her lips curving into a small smile. "If you're seriously considering having this baby then you should make the appropriate appointments."

"I am considering it," Alison confesses. "It's what you want, right?"

Emily frowns. She doesn't want Alison doing this out of obligation or because she feels she has to for her sake. "Ali, it has to be what you want too. I already told you, this is your decision to make."

"It's our decision. Please, Em," Alison pleads tearfully. She feels so lost and out of control lately and she wants to do this for Emily, with Emily, but she's terrified and she needs to know Emily wants this too, really wants this because she can't do it without her.

Emily moves so that she's standing in front of Alison. She raises her arms and places her hands on Alison's shoulders, forcing the blonde to look at her as she runs her hands up and down Alison's arms. "I want you to have the baby. I want a chance to raise him or her," Emily repeats earnestly. "But _only_ if you want that too."

Alison forces out a shaky breath, tears swimming in her eyes. "Okay."

"Okay?" Emily echoes.

"Okay. I'll do it," Alison says, nodding.

Emily's eyes shoot up. "You will?"

"If you'll help me."

Emily nods quickly and grabs hold of Alison's hand. "I'll help you. Of course I'll help you."

"I can't do this alone, Em," Alison says. She's so scared that she'll screw this up and disappoint Emily in some way, but she wants this.

"You won't. I'm here. We'll do it together," Emily promises, reaching up to wipe away Alison's tears with her thumb.

Alison nods, leaning into Emily's touch and forcing out a breath. "Okay. Together."

"So can I go with you to your sonogram appointment?" Emily asks once she pulls back, hope swimming in her deep brown eyes.

"You don't have to. Aria already offered," Alison mumbles. Of course she'd rather Emily go with her but she doesn't want Emily to think she's too needy.

"You're not going with Aria," Emily says decidedly.

"Em, come on."

Emily shakes her head. "No. I don't trust her with this. It's too important and she'll flake out on you again. I'm taking you."

"I'll be fine, Em," Alison tries to protest.

"I'm serious, Ali. I want to be there for you. If we're going to do this, we need to do it together. Please stop shutting me out," Emily pleads, squeezing Alison's hand.

Alison glances down at their intertwined fingers as if she had forgotten Emily's hand was wrapped around her own. "Okay. I'm sorry," Alison says before pausing. "I'd like for you to be there."

Emily grins happily. "I'd like to be there. Just tell me where and when and I'm all yours."

Alison smiles at Emily's eagerness. "Wednesday at 4:00."

Emily's face falls instantly as she lets go of Alison's hand and wrings her hands together. "I have a mandatory athletic department meeting that day after school."

"Oh, okay. Don't worry about it then," Alison says, trying to mask her disappointment.

"Maybe I can get out of it," Emily throws out as she starts to pace the classroom floor.

Alison notes Emily's distress and feels a pang of guilt. Not even two minutes into this decision and they've already hit their first roadblock.

"No, Em, you don't have to re-arrange your life because of me. I'm going to have lots of appointments in the future. You can come to the next one," Alison tries to reason but Emily doesn't look any less crushed.

"You shouldn't go alone. Maybe someone else can go...Spencer or Hanna," Emily suggests, her voice thick with regret.

"Em, it's fine. Don't worry about it. It's just a sonogram. I'm perfectly capable of going on my own." She gives Emily a small smile and starts to leave. When she reaches the door Alison turns back towards Emily, something having occurred to her. "Em, just out of curiosity, did Paige organize this meeting?"

Emily looks up, confusion clouding her features. "Of course. She's the athletic department supervisor."

Alison nods knowingly. "And let me guess, she told you about it this morning? Some time after 9?"

The crease in Emily's forehead deepens. "Yeah I just got the email a couple hours ago."

Alison laughs and shakes her head in disbelief. "Of course."

"What do you mean?" Emily stares back at the laughing blonde, still wearing a puzzled expression.

"Paige was _lurking_ in the faculty lounge when I was on the phone with my doctor's office this morning. She overheard me scheduling the appointment," Alison explains.

"You think Paige set this meeting up just to keep me from going to your appointment with you?" Emily questions. "Ali, that's ridiculous."

"Is it?" Alison challenges. "Paige has made her feelings towards me perfectly clear. And we both know she hates that you've been spending time with me and would do whatever she can to keep you from me."

Emily shakes her head. "Alison, Paige wouldn't do something like that." _Would she_?

Alison laughs again, although there's no humor to it. "Right. That's something I would do."

"Alison," Emily calls, watching as Alison's posture stiffens and her expression shifts to one more guarded.

"I'll see you later, Emily."

As Alison walks away from Emily she starts to wonder if this is what it's going to be like—her, Emily, the baby... and Paige pulling them apart. If Paige is a part of Emily's life it's only logical to assume she'll be a part of the baby's life, and Alison's heart aches when she thinks about it, because even with a baby, they'll never be a family. Paige is always going to be there between them, and Emily is always going to choose Paige over her, and where does that leave her?


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's Note: Thank you for the wonderful response to this story so far and for reading and reviewing and all that good stuff. Here's the next chapter. It's a little on the short side but I should have the next chapter up by the end of the week (seriously, it's almost done already). Let me know what you think!**_

* * *

"I need you to go with Alison to her sonogram appointment on Wednesday," Emily says, barging into Spencer's barn with a wild look of panic in her eyes.

Spencer glances up at Emily from behind her laptop screen. "Hello to you too, Emily."

Emily rolls her eyes, not in the mood for Spencer's sarcasm. "Hello, Spencer. So can you do it? Take Ali to her sonogram?"

"Ali's having the baby?" Spencer asks, her eyes arching in question as she slowly closes her laptop and fixes her eyes on Emily.

Emily nods, bristling a little under Spencer's incredulous stare.

"And you're okay with that?"

Emily nods again, slower this time, as she takes a seat on Spencer's couch and digs the heels of her hands into her thighs. "Yeah. Of course I'm okay with it. I asked her to."

"You what?!" Spencer exclaims, her voice rising to a high-pitched shriek as she stands up and pushes her stool back. She walks around the kitchen counter and sits on the coffee table opposite Emily.

"I asked her to have the baby and she said yes," Emily says, ignoring Spencer's wide-eyed stare of disbelief. "And now she made an ultrasound appointment and I can't go," Emily explains miserably. She can't believe she's going to miss her chance to see the baby for the first time. Or that she yet again won't be there for Alison after promising the blonde that she would be.

She's been contemplating telling Paige that she won't be able to make the Athletic Department meeting on Wednesday, but the email had stated in bold capital letters that the meeting is _MANDATORY_ and _ALL COACHES MUST ATTEND,_ and even though she's sort of dating the department supervisor, she's still new at Rosewood High and she can't afford to jeopardize her job in any way now that she's going to have a baby to take care of. Besides, she doubts Paige will be very understanding of the situation if she did ask for the afternoon off.

"Okay," Spencer says slowly and Emily can tell her friend is confused by her confession. She doesn't blame Spencer for being confused, to be honest, she's still a little confused about it all herself.

"So you'll take her?" Emily asks hopefully. She still feels awful that she has to miss Alison's first ultrasound but knowing Ali won't be alone would make her feel slightly less awful.

Spencer gives her a reassuring smile. "Yeah, sure, Em, don't worry about it. We're all here for you guys. If I can't make it, I'm sure Hanna or Aria will come through."

Emily shakes her head vigorously. "No. Not Aria."

"Why can't—" Spencer starts.

"Can you do it or not?" Emily cuts her off impatiently. "Because if not, I'll ask Hanna."

Spencer leans back and shows her hands in mock surrender. "Relax, mama bear, I'll do it."

"Okay. Good. Thank you," Emily exhales, letting her eyes fall shut and laying back against the sofa with a sigh of relief. Of course she wants to be the one to be there for Alison and the baby, but Spencer will just have to do in her absence.

"Em, are you okay?"

Emily tilts her head back down and opens her eyes to see Spencer gazing at her with soft concerned eyes and a worried expression.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Emily sighs, too tired to find the words needed to express all the ways she's not fine.

* * *

Alison blows the air out of her cheeks and runs a shaky hand through her hair. She's currently sat beside Spencer in the clinic waiting room, her right leg bouncing restlessly over her left leg as her eyes scan the busy waiting room and settle on a young mother trying to wrestle a cell phone away from her screaming toddler. The woman catches Alison staring and gives her an apologetic look before scooping the squirming little boy into her lap and offering him a sippy cup in hopes of quieting him down. Alison turns away, panic filling her chest as she imagines herself struggling to soothe a cranky child in public as strangers gawk and judge her for being a terrible mother.

"You okay?" Spencer's worried voice breaks through Alison's intrusive thoughts.

"Yeah. I just hate doctors' offices," Alison mumbles.

Spencer looks unconvinced but Alison doesn't really care to convince her. It's not that she doesn't appreciate Spencer's support and concern, she truly does, but she's starting to think she should have insisted on doing this alone. That way she'd at least be free to break down emotionally in private and not have to face any prying questions about it. But Emily had called her two nights ago and informed her in no uncertain terms that Spencer, not Aria, would be accompanying her to her ultrasound appointment, and she found herself agreeing easily as not to upset the obviously guilt-ridden brunette, even if she did think Emily's ongoing Aria embargo was a little ridiculous.

"Ali, can I ask you something?" Spencer asks carefully, leaning forward a bit to catch Alison's eye. With no protest from Alison, Spencer proceeds to pose her question, "What made you decide to have this baby?"

"Emily," Alison answers truthfully. "She asked me to."

Spencer's eyes narrow and her mouth curves downward into a frown and Alison suddenly feels small under the other woman's disapproving gaze.

"But is it what you want?" Spencer presses.

"Yes," Alison says quickly. Although she's staring straight ahead, Alison sees Spencer shake her head slightly out of the corner of her eye.

"So what's the plan here? Are you and Emily going to raise the baby together?"

"I think so," Alison answers, shifting uncomfortably in her chair as if she's trying to escape the awkwardness of the conversation. Why did Spencer always have to push? Why couldn't she just let this go and let Alison continue to live in her bubble of denial for a little while longer?

"But you don't know for sure?" Spencer questions. "Don't you think that's something the two of you should have discussed?"

"Things have just been really complicated right now," Alison says, rubbing her temples with her fingers as her frustration grows. She knows how ridiculous this all must sound to someone as level-headed and pragmatic as Spencer, and she still has some questions and concerns of her own, but she doesn't need Spencer interrogating her about her and Emily's future plans, or lack thereof, when she already has so much on her mind—like the fact that she's minutes away from seeing this baby for the first time and Emily's not here with her.

"And you think a baby is going to make things _less_ complicated?" Spencer asks, sounding exasperated. "Are you really ready to be a mother?"

Alison finally whips her head around to face Spencer, wanting desperately to wipe the look of haughty disbelief off the brunette's face. "Why are you doing this right now?" she demands, keeping her voice to a harsh whisper so the other women in the waiting room don't overhear their discussion.

Spencer's expression softens as she sighs. "I'm not trying to upset you, Ali. I'm just trying to make sure you've thought this through. This is a big decision. A decision neither you nor Emily asked to make."

Alison shifts, her jaw clenched and her nails digging into the palms of her hands. "I understand that, Spencer."

"Do you? Because having a baby isn't something you do because your friend asks you to. You're not lending Emily a pair of sunglasses or helping her move. This is a baby, Ali," Spencer stresses as if Alison isn't aware of the life-altering seriousness of the matter. She's the one with the pea sized parasite currently growing inside her womb, so she thinks she more than understands the magnitude of the situation.

"You don't think I realize that!" Alison snaps, shooting Spencer a deadly glare. She knows this must seem crazy to anyone who knows them, but the thought of starting a family with Emily makes her heart flutter and she wants that _so much._ It scares her how much she wants it, because Emily is with Paige and Alison still isn't sure how this will work or where she fits into the mix, but she can't help but find hope in the fact that Emily asked her to do this, to think it must mean _something_ that Emily wants to do this with her. _If_ Emily truly does want to do this with her. And she wants to hold onto that hope for as long as possible, even if it means living in denial and avoiding some very necessary conversations.

"Miss DiLaurentis," the receptionist calls out before Spencer can say another word and Alison breathes a sigh of relief, thankful for the interruption.

* * *

"Okay, Alison, if you can please put your feet in the stirrups and lay back," Dr. Palmer instructs.

Alison tugs anxiously on her itchy medical gown and takes a deep breath before doing as she's told and laying back on the exam table. Spencer moves to stand by her head, trying her best to protect Alison's modesty. Her anxiety must be pretty obvious because Spencer rubs her shoulder and gives her an encouraging smile.

"So are you Alison's partner?" Dr. Palmer asks Spencer with a friendly smile as she starts to prep for the ultrasound.

Spencer laughs loudly at the doctor's question, eliciting an equally amused chuckle from Alison when the pair makes eye contact. "Oh, no. I'm just pitch-hitting today. I'm Ali's cousin actually," Spencer explains.

Alison can't help but crack a wide grin at Spencer's answer because with all the craziness going on in their lives lately, they haven't really had the chance to talk about their new found relation to one another. But now Alison is reminded that she gained a family member in Spencer recently, which she's pretty grateful for, and for a moment she forgets how anxious and exposed she feels in her current position.

"Slide down a bit for me, Alison, thank you," the doctor says as she slides the stool she's seated on closer to the exam table and picks something up from the tray beside her.

Alison props herself up on her elbows and peers at the doctor through her legs, her stomach twisting in knots as she watches Dr. Palmer place a condom over the ultrasound wand.

"Wha-what are you doing? I thought this was an abdominal ultrasound to check the baby's progress," Alison asks, her eyes widening and her voice wavering as she keeps her eyes fixed on the long, thin probe in the doctor's hands.

"Oh I'm sorry, I thought Cindy filled you in before I came in. You're not quite far along enough for an abdominal ultrasound. This early in the pregnancy, I like to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound to get a look at the baby. That's why we had you put the gown on. We'll do an abdominal scan at your next appointment, but this will allow us to most accurately determine your date of conception since you seem to be a little hazy on when your last menstrual cycle started," Dr. Palmer explains with a smile.

Alison blanches at the mention of conception, her mind flashing back to that day in Welby when she had been strapped to her bed and wheeled through a set of double doors where her legs were pried apart and her body penetrated by a stranger behind a mask. Alison sucks in a shaky breath in an attempt to calm herself, her chest tightening and her stomach dropping. She hadn't thought about how difficult this sonogram might be—what memories it might drag up—but as she lays on an exam table with her legs open and a doctor poised to insert an instrument into her body, she's not sure why she ever thought she could actually do any of this.

Spencer's hand lands on her shoulder once again and squeezes. "Ali, would you like some privacy? I can wait outside," she asks softly.

"No! Stay!" Alison cries, grasping Spencer's hand hard to keep the brunette by her side. Her entire body feels warm and her heart is beating so fast she feels like she might pass out and the last thing she wants right now is to be left alone in this exam room.

"Just lay back and try to relax," Dr. Palmer instructs, not sparing Alison a glance as she coats the probe with a thick layer of gel.

"I don't think I can do this," Alison breaths out as panic spreads through her body like a virus. She lets her head fall back against the exam table and forces out a shaky breath as she stares at the blinding overhead light. She starts to feel faint like she's drifting back in time to that dreadful day in Welby, and she wants to move, to get away, but her limbs feel heavy.

"Ali, what's wrong?" Spencer asks, turning her eyes away from the doctor to look at Alison.

Dr. Palmer slides forward on her stool with the ultrasound wand in one hand, finally looking up to give Alison a bright smile the blonde finds decidedly unsettling. "Okay. I'm going to insert the probe now. You may feel a little discomfort, but I'll try to be quick."

Alison flinches as the tip of the probe touches her entrance, her body tensing and her hands gripping the sides of the exam table tightly. "W-wait, hold on."

"Ali?" Spencer questions, her brows creased in worry as she stares down at the pale, trembling blonde.

"I can't do this," Alison repeats weakly. Her chest feels like it's tightening and her vision blurs as she tries to blink the room back into focus and force out a breath. She thinks of Emily, imagines her holding her hand, but Emily's not here and Alison's heart actually aches with longing for the brunette.

"You have nothing to be nervous about, Alison. This is a standard procedure and it'll be over before you know it." The doctor's cloying voice filters through the thick cloud of fog in her head, sounding far away and distant.

Alison swallows and tries to steady herself, but as she feels the tip of the probe start to enter her again, she jerks away from the cold wand violently. "No! Stop! Stop it!" she cries, pulling her feet out of the stirrups and frantically pushing herself back up the exam table. She feels like all the air has left her lungs, like there's an invisible hand inside her chest squeezing her heart in a vice-like grip and refusing to let go. She wants Emily—needs Emily to calm her, to put her lips to hers and breathe the air back into her lungs

"Just take a deep breath and try to relax. In a minute, you'll get to see your baby on that monitor and you'll forget all about how nervous you are," Dr. Palmer says, her voice unapologetically calm as she attempts to coax Alison back into the stirrups.

"She said _stop,_ so you need to stop," Spencer says firmly, shooting the doctor a dangerous glare as she wraps an arm around Alison's shoulder and squeezes.

Dr. Palmer nods curtly and relents, pushing her stool back from the table and giving the pair a sympathetic look.

"Ali, just try to breathe," Spencer instructs gently. Alison continues to quietly shake in Spencer's arms as the brunette rubs her shoulders and mumbles soothing phrases against her head.

* * *

The heaviness in her chest has yet to lift and her legs still feel a bit wobbly, but Alison dutifully follows Spencer out of the doctor's office and through the parking lot.

Spencer had briskly informed the receptionist at the front desk that Alison would need to reschedule her appointment and then carefully guided Alison through the office door and Alison had let her.

"Ali, what happened in there?" Spencer asks once they reach the car.

"Nothing," Alison mumbles, yanking on the seat belt and fastening it across her lap. The fog in her head is starting to clear and she decides she's going to have to find a new OBGYN because there's no way in hell she's seeing Dr. Palmer again after that incredibly embarrassing scene she just caused in her office.

"Nothing? Ali, you just had a panic attack," Spencer says, somehow managing to sound both concerned for her well-being and disappointed in her evasiveness.

Alison sighs and stares out the window as Spencer reverses out of the parking spot. "I'm fine."

"I'm calling Emily," Spencer says, shaking her head and punching the bluetooth call button on her car's steering wheel.

"No, you're not!" Alison growls, whipping her eyes in Spencer's direction. "She's busy."

"She'd want to know. She's worried about you," Spencer insists.

"If she wanted to know, she would have been here. You're not calling her," Alison bites back, surprising herself with her anger.

"Ali," Spencer sighs. "Emily wanted to be here. She had to work."

"I just want to go home and forget about this. Can you please just take me home, Spence?" Alison asks in a small voice. She's tired and embarrassed and she feels terribly petty for resenting Emily for her absence when she knows it isn't Emily's fault. She isn't exactly mad at Emily for not coming, she just really wishes she had been with her instead of in a meeting with Paige and she hates herself for needing Emily so bad. But she had been the one to insist that it was no big deal, to act like she didn't need Emily at all, even though every ounce of her longs for the brunette, and now she just wants to crawl into bed and hopefully sleep off this overwhelming feeling of nausea growing in her stomach because she's faced enough truth for today.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Author's Note: Thanks for the awesome response to the last chapter! I know I'm publishing this a couple days later than I promised and I apologize for that, but hopefully the fact that this chapter is a bit longer than previous chapters makes up for the small delay. As always, please let me know what you think!**_

* * *

Emily feels like a teenager again, anxiously bouncing her leg under the table as her fingers itch to reach for the cell phone in her pocket. She glances up at the clock hanging on the far wall of the faculty lounge and blows out a breath of frustration at the time, 5 _:14 pm,_ earning herself a sideways glance from Paige. Emily smiles sheepishly and ducks her head, pretending to read the printed packet Paige had passed out at the start of the meeting. Emily doesn't mean to be rude but this meeting has been dragging on for over an hour already with nothing of substance being discussed and Alison's appointment should be over by now. She's desperate for word from the blonde or an update from Spencer about how it went, but she doesn't want to seem like an unprofessional millennial in the eyes of her older peers by checking her cell phone every five minutes, so she's forced herself to resist the urge thus far.

"Okay, I think that's it for today," Paige says to the small group of coaches assembled around three tables in the faculty room. "I'll need everyone's final roster counts by the end of the week. Thank you."

There's a clatter of chairs scraping against the floor and books being slammed shut as the other coaches prepare to leave.

Emily wastes no time getting to her feet and pulling her phone from her pocket, frowning when she sees she has no text messages or missed calls.

"Expecting a call?"

Emily turns to see Paige watching her carefully.

"Ali had her sonogram today," Emily explains, feeling somewhat guilty for getting caught by Paige checking for Ali's call.

Paige nods, her lips pressed together and an unreadable expression on her face.

It occurs to Emily that she still hasn't told Paige the truth about the baby and she swallows guiltily at the thought because she knows she really should have filled Paige in by now. But she hadn't known what Alison was going to do till a couple of days ago and she had wanted to protect the blonde's privacy for as long as possible—to give Alison at least a little bit of control in this confusing mess. But Emily has no excuse for keeping Paige in the dark now. The decision has been made and she'll need to tell Paige that Alison is having her baby if they're going to continue to date. And while she knows what she needs to do, _something_ is holding her back from actually doing it—as if putting it off a little while longer will keep her from having to face the doubt and uncertainties that have been swimming around in her mind recently—not about the baby because she's never been so sure of anything in her life—but about Paige. Because despite what she had convinced herself of that night they raced bikes in the street like carefree school children, she's no longer sure she wants what she thought she wanted. She's no longer sure she wants to settle for safe and stable. She's spent a lot of time this past week envisioning her future and she can't help but feel like a fraud for imagining a future with someone else while she's still dating Paige.

Emily turns away from Paige's scrutinizing gaze to see that the room has emptied, and she could technically tell her the truth right now. She could sit Paige down right here and try to explain everything to her—but she knows that's going to be a long, difficult conversation to have and she really wants to avoid answering any hard questions and just go and see Alison right now. She wonders if Alison got ultrasound pictures and her lips curve into a slight smile at the thought of seeing her baby for the first time.

"So how'd I do?" Paige asks.

"Hm?" Emily shakes herself out of her thoughts, her eyes snapping up to look at Paige.

"That's the first meeting I've ever held. Guess we're officially grown ups now," Paige says with a laugh.

Emily forces out a smile, "Yeah, I guess we are." Emily hasn't felt like a kid in a long time, not since she had to deal with some very adult things as a high schooler, but nothing has ever felt as big or as daunting as becoming a mother. And although she's nervous and a little frightened, she's never wanted anything more and she's actually starting to feel pretty excited about the whole thing.

"So, now that _that's_ out of the way," Paige says, gesturing to the packet of papers in Emily's hand that had been passed out during the meeting, "Maybe we can get out of here and grab an early dinner? All that _adulting_ has made me hungry."

"I can't," Emily blurts out, cringing at how quick she is to shoot down Paige's invitation.

Paige's face falls in disappointment. "Busy night planned?" she asks.

Emily shoves her hands in her pockets and looks down at the floor. "I—I was going to go by Alison's. Make sure everything went okay at the doctor's this afternoon."

"Right, of course," Paige says nodding, her eyes rolling towards the ceiling. "You know, Alison's a big girl, Emily. She can handle a doctor's appointment by herself."

Emily frowns. "She needs—I need to see her." And she does, she doesn't just want to see Alison, she feels like she _needs_ to see the blonde with her own two eyes and she won't feel at peace till she does.

"No, you don't," Paige insists, a pleading look in her eyes.

Emily takes a deep breath, wanting to keep the peace with Paige and avoid having yet another fight about Alison. "How about I come by after I visit Ali? I shouldn't be long. We'll make pasta," Emily says, offering Paige a small smile in hopes of appeasing the other woman and getting to Alison as soon as possible.

Paige doesn't look happy with Emily's compromise but she nods her agreement anyway and Emily leans in to give her a quick kiss before rushing off to Alison's house.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Emily asks, surprised to see Spencer open Alison's door instead of Alison herself.

"I didn't want to leave Ali alone," Spencer answers vaguely.

Emily's eyes narrow and her head tilts to one side as Spencer turns her back to her and walks into Alison's living room. Emily follows and watches as Spencer settles onto Alison's couch, picking up an almost empty glass of wine from the coffee table and taking a long drink. There's a National Geographic documentary playing on the television and it's obvious Spencer has been sitting here for a while, but Alison appears to be nowhere in sight.

"Where is Ali? How'd the ultrasound go?" Emily questions, looking around for any signs of the blonde.

Spencer just shakes her head languidly and continues to sip her wine, her eyes remaining glued to the screen in front of her. "It didn't."

"What do you mean? Did something happen? Is Ali okay?" Emily asks, starting to grow nervous.

Spencer finally turns her eyes towards Emily to reveal a disconcerted expression. "She had a little trouble at the doctor's office."

Emily's stomach drops at Spencer's words and the uneasy look in her friend's eyes. She walks closer to where Spencer sits, standing over the other woman with a hand on her hip and hard demanding eyes. "Trouble? What kind of trouble? Is Ali okay? Is there something wrong with the baby? What did the doctor say? Spencer! What kind of trouble?" Emily demands, her voice growing increasingly frantic with each question.

"The baby is fine, Em. And Ali's fine too…physically, at least," Spencer says with a heavy sigh as she stands and walks her now empty glass into the kitchen.

Emily follows Spencer to the sink. "What do you mean she's fine _physically_? Is she not fine in some other way? Did Ali say something?" When Spencer doesn't respond immediately, Emily steps forward impatiently and spins the other woman around by her arm so that they're facing each other. "Spencer, how isn't Ali fine? Tell me!" Emily demands, her mind racing.

Spencer takes a deep breath and leans back against the counter, one arm reaching back to place the glass she had been rinsing on the countertop. "I don't think Alison realized what kind of ultrasound it was. She panicked."

Emily frowns, Spencer's answer having done little to clear up her confusion or quell her rising panic. "What kind of ultrasound was it?"

"A vaginal one," Spencer says with a slight grimace. "I guess the probe the doctor was using triggered Alison's memory of the procedure A.D. performed on her at Welby and she had a panic attack on the table. She got really upset and the doctor had to stop."

Emily's eyes fall closed and a sick uneasy feeling settles in the pit of her stomach as she pictures Alison scared and panicked on a cold exam table. "Dammit!" she growls, turning her back to Spencer and spreading her palms flat against the cool counter top for support. She takes a few deep breaths and shakes her head, once again feeling like she's let Alison down. "I should have been there with her."

"Ali knows you would have been there if you could," Spencer tries to comfort her, but Emily can detect _something_ in the other woman's voice that suggests otherwise.

"How is she now?" Emily asks desperately, turning around to face her friend. Emily notes Spencer's weary expression and tired eyes and wonders just how bad things must have been for Spencer to look this worn down by the ordeal.

"She finally took a break from crying and throwing up to sleep," Spencer answers. "She's in her room."

"Oh God," Emily mutters to herself, pushing her fingers through her hair and letting her nails scrape across her scalp. She knew what she was asking of Alison was a lot, a lot more than she had the right to ask for, but she wanted to believe that it would be okay, that they would be okay. But clearly, that's not the case. Alison was not okay and she wasn't even there to comfort her.

When she finally returns her eyes to her friend, Emily finds Spencer staring back at her, eyes narrowed and arms crossed as she chews on her bottom lip like she's considering whether or not to say what's on her mind. But its Spencer so, of course, she says it. "Em, why did you ask Ali to have this baby?"

"Because I want a chance to raise him or her," Emily answers truthfully. Because it is technically the truth, even if it's only the simplest form of the truth and not the whole of it, but she's not ready to admit that she wants more than a chance to raise the baby. She wants a chance to raise the baby _with Alison_ , as a family, and she wants Alison to want that too, to want her.

Her gaze wavers when Spencer's eyes rise in challenge of her answer because surely someone as smart as Spencer can see right through her—can see what a horribly selfish person she is for putting Alison through this. She feels the guilt creeping up from within, suffocating and all-consuming, because she asked Alison to do this. She asked Alison to put herself through unimaginable physical and emotional hell—all because she's still too afraid to admit she wants more from the blonde and she's tired of Alison running from her.

"What about Ali?" Spencer asks. And that's the question that has always loomed over her: _what about Ali?_ Every decision, every relationship, every step Emily takes—what about Ali?

"She wants that too."

"Ali wants to raise a baby with you? She said that?" Spencer challenges.

"Yeah. I mean, I think so," Emily says weakly.

Emily falters under Spencer's unrelenting glare and turns her eyes away from the other woman, finding a framed photo of Alison as an adorable 4-year-old with curly blonde hair and a mischievous smile sitting on the shelf to her left. She knows the baby won't share any of Alison's DNA but she hopes some of Alison's strength will rub off on the child because if their child is half as resilient as Alison is, he or she will be able to survive anything the universe decides to throw at him or her.

"You think so?" Spencer echoes, her eyebrow arching. "Em, if you're not sure and you're just projecting—"

Emily cuts Spencer off hastily, "I am sure." She's not, of course, but she feels like Spencer is accusing her of something and she's not in the mood for a lecture right now.

"I don't know that Ali's ready for this," Spencer confesses with a shake of her head.

"You don't know Ali as well as you think you do," Emily snaps, because what the hell does Spencer know about what Ali is and isn't ready for.

Spencer sighs, seemingly unfazed by Emily's snippy attitude. "I know you two are close, but you didn't see her in that doctor's office today, Em. She was _terrified_. She was literally shaking on the exam table. It was scary to see her like that," Spencer says, and Emily feels a lump form in her throat as her heart cracks just a little bit more.

"Because I wasn't there! She's scared but she'll be fine as long as I'm there for her! I won't miss anything else. I'll be there for everything from here on out—every appointment, every kick, every craving—I'll be there!" Emily tries to convince a skeptical Spencer— and herself—because she can't stand the haunted look on Spencer's face or the pity in the other woman's voice as she recounts Alison's experience at the doctor's office. God, how bad had it been? What the hell had Alison gone through while she wasn't there? Would it have even mattered if she had been there? Would she have been able to protect Alison from her own memories? The questions in her mind taunt her and she forces herself to look away from Spencer once again as angry tears begin to form in her eyes.

Spencer uncrosses her arms and takes several steps till she's standing at Emily's side and laying a comforting hand on her forearm. "It's great that you want to be there for her, Em, but you can't erase the trauma of what she went through—what you both went through. And that trauma is only going to get more real and become more present as Ali progresses with this pregnancy."

"Ali wouldn't be doing this if she didn't think she could handle it," Emily protests because she has to believe that it's true.

"I don't know about that," Spencer says with a regretful shake of her head.

"What do you mean?"

Spencer presses her lips together and steps back from Emily with a thoughtful expression. "Ali is clearly doing this for you, Em. I don't understand why exactly—maybe she's trying to prove something to you, maybe she's just desperate for a family—but if you let her go through with this, be prepared to pick up the pieces when this fantasy the both of you seem to be living in shatters and everything falls apart."

* * *

With nothing left to say, Emily sends Spencer home—telling the other woman that she'll take over looking after Alison for the night. She allows herself a couple of minutes to collect herself before trudging slowly up the stairs to Alison's room. Spencer's parting words continue to ring in her ears and she needs to see for herself that Alison is okay.

Emily comes to a stop just outside Alison's bedroom door, taking a deep breath before pushing the door open. She's not sure what she expected to find but the sight she does see—a sleeping Alison curled up under a thick blanket looking smaller than ever—breaks her heart.

She doesn't know how long she stays in the doorway watching Alison sleep but Emily finds a small bit of peace in the steady rise and fall of Alison's chest. She aches to rush forward and slide into Alison's bed, to pull the blonde into her arms and promise to keep her and their baby safe for as long as she lives, but she swallows down the urge and instead leans back against the doorframe as she continues to watch Alison sleep.

But the peace doesn't last for long as the shrill sound of her phone ringing abruptly jolts her out of her daze. Emily hastily pulls the noisy device out of her pocket, only glancing at it long enough to read Paige's name flash on the screen, before quickly setting it to vibrate and shooting her eyes to Alison's bed.

"Em?" Alison asks sleepily, squinting up at the brunette from her elbows as if she's imaging her. She had fallen asleep wishing Emily was here and now here she is standing in her bedroom and Alison can only hope she isn't dreaming.

"Hey," Emily greets the blonde with an apologetic smile, soft brown eyes gazing into deep pools of blue. Emily shoves her phone back into her pocket, only allowing herself to feel guilty for a moment before her feet shuffle her forward and she finds herself sitting on the edge of Alison's bed, tenderly brushing the hair back from Alison's face. Alison lowers her eyes shyly as Emily's fingers linger in her long blonde tresses. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," Emily softly apologizes.

Alison sits up a bit and tries to clear the sleep from her voice. "What are you doing here? What time is it?" She feels disoriented and weak, her throat is dry and her eyes swollen from the seemingly endless retching that had turned into uncontrollable sobbing upon her return home from the doctor's, but Emily's fingers are still combing through her hair and she just wants to lean into Emily's hand and forget everything as she lets her mermaid's touch lull her back to sleep.

"I needed to see you," Emily says, her hand falling away from Alison's hair as she glances down guiltily.

Alison rolls her head from side to side, letting her head fall back against the headboard of the bad as the day's events come crashing back to her. She feels Emily's eyes on the side of her head, boring into her with quiet intensity, and when she turns to study the brunette, she notes Emily's worried expression and anxious body language.

"I'm guessing Spencer told you," Alison mumbles, trying to mask her shame with annoyance. It's bad enough Spencer saw her fall apart in Dr. Palmer's office, she doesn't need Emily knowing how weak and unstable she is too—especially not if she wants Emily to continue to trust her with carrying her baby.

"Ali, what happened today? Are you okay?" Emily asks, her voice full of worry as her eyes scan Alison's body as if looking for some physical sign of Alison's emotional anguish.

"I'm fine," Alison sighs, pushing her comforter aside in her attempt to get out of bed and away from Emily's overwhelming concern.

"Ali, wait," Emily pleads, grabbing Alison's wrist to stop her. "Please, talk to me. Tell me what's going on with you."

Alison takes a deep breath and settles back against the pillows, too tired to run or lie for once in her life. She turns to look in Emily's direction and finds the brunette still staring at her with that heart-wrenching look of compassion on her face. Emily looks so worried, in fact, that Alison feels the urge to reach out and comfort _her_ —because she hates seeing Emily look anything other than happy and at peace.

"I started to remember. When the doctor tried to put that thing inside me—I started to remember what A.D. did to me—what it felt like," Alison admits, her voice low but steady as she struggles to keep her tears at bay. She squeezes her eyes shut as her mind drifts back to that day. "I couldn't move. I couldn't stop it. I could _feel_ everything but I couldn't do anything to make them stop. I felt so helpless, Em."

Alison surprises herself with how honest she's being, but Emily's gaze is intense yet comforting, and the brunette's hand grasps her own with such genuine affection that Alison feels safe confessing her darkest secrets to her. She hates thinking about how this baby was made and ever since that day in the Darling Duck when her memory had first been triggered, she's been actively trying _not_ to think about it. But the memory is getting clearer and harder to avoid and she finds even littlest things related to this pregnancy, like taking her prenatal vitamin each morning or seeing a pair of baby shoes in a store window, can sometimes be difficult when all she wants to do is forget about the _how_ and just focus on the end result.

"God, Ali, I'm so sorry," Emily breathes out, her heart breaking at Alison's gut-wrenching confession. She can't imagine how awful it must have felt for Alison to be reminded of A.D.'s horrible act of violation against her body, and she _hates_ the nameless, faceless monster who did this to Alison. But more than anything, she feels terrible and besieged with guilt that she's the reason Alison has to confront those memories now when all she wants to do is wrap Alison up in her arms and erase those painful memories from the blonde's mind.

"I'm sorry, Em. What if I can't do this?" Alison asks, her voice finally cracking as she brushes away a few stray tears from her cheeks.

"You don't have to do this, Ali," Emily says sincerely, squeezing Alison's hand tightly. Because yes, she wants this baby, but she could never live with herself if she causes Alison to hurt in any way.

"You don't want me to have this baby?" Alison asks, her voice low as her heart sinks at the thought of Emily retracting her faith in her.

"No! I do! Of course, I do!" Emily cries, shifting closer to Alison on the bed with a sense of urgency. "But not if doing so is going to cause you pain. I hate the thought of you hurting and I'm sorry if I made you feel like you had to do this for me. I shouldn't have put that kind of pressure on you."

"I want to do this, Em," Alison assures her.

Emily's eyes perk up hopefully. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I won't say that today wasn't difficult, and I'm not naive enough to think I don't have more difficult days ahead of me, but I want to do this. I want to do this _with you_ , Em," Alison confesses and she can only hope that Emily wants the same.

Alison doesn't realize she's holding her breath till the need to exhale becomes too strong to ignore and she forces out a shaky breath and glances at Emily sideways. The brunette stares back at her, eyes blinking wide and mouth slightly ajar.

Alison ducks her head, suddenly feeling shy and exposed under Emily's expectant stare. "I just need you to be patient with me. As bad as it felt to remember, it feels worse to think I'm letting you down," she adds quietly.

Emily shakes her head vigorously. "That couldn't be farther from the truth. You could never let me down. I'm so amazed by you, Ali. Your strength, your courage, your kindness. You have no idea how in awe I am of you. I honestly can't believe you're doing this for me."

"I'm doing it for me too. I want this as much as you do," Alison admits. "I'm glad we're doing this together."

"Me too," Emily smiles tearfully. "And I mean that. We're going to do it together. I'm going to be there with you every step of the way from now on—from your most ridiculous late-night food craving to this kid's college graduation—we're in this together," Emily promises, covering Alison's hand with her own and squeezing gently. As the words leave her lips, Emily starts to picture doing all these mundane every-day things with Alison and she can't help but smile at the thought of a life with Alison and their baby. She knows now what she really wants, what she's always wanted, and what she has to do if she's serious about getting it—even if the thought of going for it terrifies her. But Alison seems to want it too and maybe this time, it'll be right for them.

Alison nods, too overwhelmed to speak, a matching smile on her face. Emily doesn't just want her to have the baby, she wants to raise the baby with her, and for the first time all day, Alison feels like she can breathe.

Alison's smile fades as she watches Emily stand and take a couple of steps back from the bed. "Are you leaving?" she asks, trying not to sound too disappointed.

"No. I'm just taking off my shoes so I can get in bed with you," Emily answers with a small chuckle, toeing off her sneakers and climbing into Alison's bed. "Move over."

Alison blushes as she scoots over to accommodate Emily, the brunette easily sliding in beside her, their bodies touching ever so slightly. Alison lets out a sigh of relief as she feels Emily settle against her, and despite the disastrous day she's had, at the moment she feels completely content.

Alison doesn't have a television in her bedroom but her laptop happens to be charging on her nightstand so Emily helps herself, grabbing the computer and powering it on. With her eyes focused on the screen, Emily quickly brings up Netflix in the browser and absently taps a couple of keys.

"So what are we watching?" Emily asks, settling down under the covers and pulling Alison into the crook of her arm like it's the most natural thing in the world. She props one knee up and rests the laptop low on her stomach so the screen lays against her bended knee. She doesn't think about how the girl in her arms is not the girl she's dating, or how she's laying in bed with Alison when she's supposed to be having dinner with Paige. She doesn't think about any of that because she knows this is exactly where she's meant to be.

"Whatever you want," Alison murmurs against Emily's side.

"Let's see if we can find something interesting," Emily says as she starts typing into the search bar. She knows a night of cuddling and watching Netflix isn't going to magically heal Alison's trauma or resolve any of the open questions currently hanging over them, but she decides it's what they need right now. They can deal with the heavier stuff tomorrow.

Alison lets Emily pick the movie and she can't help but laugh to herself when she sees the brunette has selected a movie starring a large fluffy dog.

"You're so corny," Alison teases, gently poking Emily in the ribs as she snuggles further into her.

Emily grabs Alison's offending finger and tugs, placing Alison's hand on her stomach just above where the laptop rests and covering it with her own. "Everybody loves dogs. Dogs make people happy."

Alison's feels her heartbeat quicken as the tips of her fingers brush against the underside of Emily's breast.

"Mmm. That looks so good," Emily moans.

Alison's throat goes dry at the sound as she cranes her neck to sneak a look at Emily before turning her eyes back to the laptop to see an actor take a big bite of a juicy burger.

"Are you hungry? I can run down and make us something to eat," Alison suggests.

Emily tightens her hold on Alison and snuggles deeper into the blonde. "No. Don't move. I need you here to keep me warm since you keep your house as cold as a meat locker," Emily says.

Alison rolls her eyes, "It's not that bad."

"I can see my breath. And my fingers are so cold I can hardly feel them," Emily jokes in dramatic fashion.

Alison bites her lip to keep herself from telling Emily she knows exactly what she can do with her fingers to warm them up, because her hormones are in overdrive and everything Emily says has Alison picturing the two of them in a compromising position and it's not at all appropriate. "Shut up," she groans instead, forcing herself to focus on the slobbering dog on screen.

"Are you hungry?" Emily asks.

"Not really."

"Are you still feeling sick? Do you want me to get you some tea or ginger ale?" Emily offers, tipping her head down to get a better look at Alison.

"No. Stay," Alison says. "I'm comfortable like this."

"Me too," Emily agrees with a smile. "You know what we need? A pizza place that delivers straight to your bed."

"Sounds messy," Alison remarks casually. "Or like the plot of a really _cheesy_ porno," she adds with a smirk.

Emily snorts at Alison's joke. "Did you just make a pizza-porn pun?"

"Well, I _am_ an English teacher. I do have a way with words," Alison grins.

"You certainly do, Miss DiLaurentis," Emily laughs, feeling perfectly content holding Alison against her body as they tease each other and watch some silly movie.

The movie plays on and Emily has to admit Alison was right, it is pretty corny, but she doesn't mind. Her goal had been to find something mindless and light to distract Alison for a couple of hours and she feels she succeeded in that.

"Do you need to get that?" Alison asks suddenly.

Emily hums in response, momentarily caught up in the dog's on screen shenanigans.

"Your phone," Alison explains. "I can hear it vibrating on the nightstand."

Emily turns to grab her cell phone from where she placed it on Alison's nightstand. She cringes slightly when she sees that she has three missed calls and four unread text messages from Paige. She had been so wrapped up in Alison that she had forgotten all about her plans with Paige, but clearly, Paige remembered.

Alison feels Emily tense and shift slightly to hide her phone from Alison's view. "Is everything okay?"

Emily presses her lips together and nods, giving Alison a tight-lipped smile. "Yeah. Everything's fine. Sorry. I just need to answer this text real quick."

She types out a quick response to Paige saying something came up and that she won't be able to make it tonight but not offering any explanation beyond that. She knows it's not going to go over well and she feels guilty for bailing on Paige without so much as a call, but Alison needs her tonight. And more importantly, she needs Alison.

"Em?"

"Yeah," Emily answers absently as she places the phone back on the nightstand before Paige can respond.

"I lied before," Alison says once she has Emily's attention.

Emily stiffens and her brows furrow at Alison's guilty expression. She's terrified Alison is going to reveal she's really not willing to have this baby after all.

"I am hungry," Alison admits, pulling her lip between her teeth and grinning up at the brunette shyly.

Emily laughs loudly before reluctantly untangling herself from Alison and rolling out of the bed. Once she's on her feet, she stretches before extending a hand for Alison to take and pulling the blonde up so that they're standing face to face.

Their mouths are only inches apart and if Emily wanted to she could learn forward and capture Alison's soft inviting lips with her own. It would be _so easy_ and it would feel _so good_. But she shouldn't be thinking about pushing her tongue past Alison's slightly parted pink lips and tasting the blonde once again. She shouldn't be staring unabashedly at Alison's mouth as the blonde licks her lips and flicks her eyes downward in that soft, seductive way of hers—she shouldn't be doing any of that because she's still technically involved with someone else.

Emily clears her throat and forces herself to take a step back from the intoxicating blonde, instantly feeling the loss of heat between their bodies. "Well, let's see what we could do about that."


End file.
